Tibbits on the life of Valduggery!
by TheBlueBottle
Summary: Little stories on Valduggery and Ghanith! Blah blah...you guys know the rest! R/R please! Rated T for lots of stuff! XD
1. Speak of the devil

Hiya!! This is my first fanfic, my FIRST fanfic. Read that one again. Anyways, hope you guys enjoy my story and reviews please! Criticize, adore, applaud, whatever, JUST REVIEW!!! PWEASE!! Thank you! Now I finished begging, you guys can start. =)

Happy reading

BlueBottle

P.S Valkyrie is 23

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Skulduggery's POV

I was on my way to fetch Valkyrie for our case, which we had been doing for 2 days. I know the exact location of this criminal where he was hiding, so maybe today, the case would close. As I pulled up at the estate, I saw Fletcher, sitting on the steps, sulking. He looked up at the sound of the car. Feeling slightly puzzled, I adjusted my disguise while getting out of the Bentley and walked towards the house.

"Oh, hey Skul." Fletcher said dully.

"Why aren't you in there?" I asked, nodding towards the house.

Fletcher groaned. "You just had to remind me. Tanith keeps slapping me and Valkyrie keeps tackling me if I go in. They said something about "Girl talks." I tried teleporting but this is what greets me." He pointed to his face. It had two red hand marks on each cheek.

I laughed, shaking my head and he scowled, glaring what he thought was a death glare. More like a confused cow, if you ask me.

I passed Fletcher and knocked on the door.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, FLETCHER, NO!!! TELEPORT IN HERE, YOU'LL GET HURT UNTIL YOU WISHED YOU WERE NEVER BORN!!!" That should be Tanith.

I glanced over at Fletcher who was doiong his fish expression and chuckled.  
"That made it clear they don't you in there."

I knocked again only to find silence that answered my call. I knocked harder, and this time the door flunged open showing a very furious Valkyrie Cain. She looked like she was about scream, but as if she realized it was me, she froze, eyes wide. Her face went beetroot red for some reason.

"Speak of the devil, and the devil shall appear." Came Tanith's voice.

* * *

3rd Person view

"Valkyrie?" Skulduggery called as he tilted his head in confusion. "Is something wrong?"

She gave a little jump, followed by a small scream and dashed into the house, tripping in process.

Skulduggery stepped into the house, just in time to hear footsteps on the stairs and a slam of a door. If he had eyebrows, one would've been raised. Tanith sighed and smiled while she followed Valkyrie.

"Oh c'mon, Val!" Tanith called at the closed door, "It's not that bad, I'm sure he'll understand! Besides, he'll probably feel the same!" Tanith heard muffled: "Shut up!"

_What on earth are they going on about? _Skulduggery thought

"Well, I'm going to break your promise!" Tanith said as she dashed downstairs towards Skulduggery. "NO, TANITH!!" Valkyrie roared as she opened the door. Tanith glanced behind her before saying to Skulduggery. "Valkyrie lo-"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Valkyrie screamed as she lunged for Tanith.

Valkyrie's aim swerved and hit Skulduggery instead. She fell on him and they both crashed down onto the floor. A moment passed and Tanith cough. That's when they realized their positions.

Skulduggery was directly beneath Valkyrie and her head was over his shoulder. He could feel her breath where his ear's should've been. Valkyrie raised her head and stared into the skeleton's eye-sockets. She felt herself go red and hot.

Skulduggery stared back into her chocolate eyes. There was something new in there. Something that was never there before

_Could it possibly be-_ Skulduggery's thoughts was cut off with another cough.

* * *

Ooh, what was he thinking? I wonder what..........hmmmmmmmmmm................

Should I continue? REVIEWS PLS!!! I'm sure I suck.......terribly.....LIKE HELL!!!!!


	2. The Ingrediants War

Yippee!! 6 reviews for my first fanfic ever? YAY!!! Okay, lemme relax… (Takes several deep breaths) Okay, I'm good, thanks for the people that reviewed my first chapter, really appreciate it, it fills me with self-confidence!

Anyways, the next chapter is up! Excuse any spelling mistakes or grammar errors, just remember that! Oh and, uh…there are a bit of words that really aren't appropriate, so if I offended anyone, sorry!

Happy Reading!

BlueBottle

P.S Valkyrie is 23

Sunshine momentarily bursts out the grey cloud cover, sending a brief beam of sheer light onto the wet roads of Dublin. Tanith and Valkyrie were in the kitchen, trying to make a chocolate cake. While Tanith was cracking the eggs, Valkyrie was on the floor with half of her body in a cabinet, searching for a mixing bowl.

For the past few weeks, there were hardly any cases, leaving everyone with nothing to do. Fletcher has been gone for awhile, only dropping in for a minute or two. No one knows where he went. Skulduggery has been unusually quiet ever since there was nothing to do. Though both Tanith and Valkyrie suspected that Ghastly knew why. He was his best friend, obviously, but he had talked to Skulduggery in private many times.

As Valkyrie was still searching for the bowl, Tanith quickly dashed to the bathroom. She was left alone, still weaving through the maze of bowls.

Then she found the right bowl and jerked her head up, banging it in action.

"OW!! Shit, godammit……………"

She mumbled grumpily as she straightened up, rubbing her head. Valkyrie placed the bowl on the counter and decided to continue with Tanith's started work. A few seconds had passed and Valkyrie was on the 7th egg when Tanith jumped in, screaming like a banshee, causing her to yelp in surprise and throwing the egg up into her own face. Tanith stopped dead in her tracks and exploded with laughter.

Valkyrie scowled and threw an open bag of flour, straight into Tanith's mouth. This time, it was Valkyrie's turn to laugh.

"PAH!!! –Cough- Yealch! Ugh! Damn, that was gross! You calling a fight, Val? You'll get one!"

Tanith grabbed the bowl of yolk, and shoved it down Valkyrie's shirt. Valkyrie screamed and tried to squirm away from Tanith's grip. When she got free, Valkyrie took another bowl with flour and water and dumped it onto Tanith's head.

"Hah! Beat that!" Valkyrie jeered, "Wow, that flour! You'll nee-"

–KLONK-

"OW!!"

Valkyrie was interrupted by a whack with an empty water bottle, which she found in Tanith's hand. Tanith grinned evilly.

Time stood still for a moment. Then everything happened so fast.

Valkyrie grabbed the nearest solid object which happened to be a spatula and the war started.

-Fast forward-

As Valkyrie hit Tanith on the head, and Tanith jabbed the bottle in Valkyrie's stomach, somebody grabbed them both by the head and rammed them into each other. They both fell backwards onto the floor, cursing at the same time.

Tanith's curse: "F****!!!!"

Valkyrie's curse: "SHIT!!!"

"Language, girls, watch it," came a low, velvety voice.

Valkyrie looked up, rubbing her head again and saw Skulduggery standing in the middle, shaking his head disapprovingly.

She grinned. "Yes, DAD."

Skulduggery turned his head towards Valkyrie. Valkyrie turned her head towards Tanith. Tanith turned her head towards the remaining bag of flour.

They both grinned. Thinking the same thing.

-Phew- That'll be one long fight! Waddya guys think? Reviews! Got the ideas from the people who did food fights, thanks for them!

Chapter 3 will be coming up. Soon.


	3. Skulduggery becomes dangerous

Wow, I'm thought to be good? THANK YOU, EVERYONE!!! The reviews are very flattering to be honest with ya! HAHA!!

3rd Chapter is up! Enjoy!

Happy Reading

BlueBottle

P.S: Valkyrie is 25.

P.S.S: Thanks, SkulduggeryGirl109 for your idea! This chapter was formed on it!

"Skulduggery!!" Valkyrie shouted from the top of the stairs.

"What?!" Skulduggery replied from the lounge, looking up from his book.

"Could you please pass me the necklace that was on the coffee table?! It's blue!"

Skulduggery sighed as he looked around for the necklace. He spotted it and picked it up. It had an ice blue pendant with a pure silver chain. It was his. His gift to Valkyrie for her 20th birthday. She was going to wear it for her date. Skulduggery felt something glow inside him.

_I need to tell her sometime, but not right now. Not when she is on a r –_

"Why the hell are you taking so long!?" Valkyrie's voice floated down the stairs.

Skulduggery hurried towards the stairs when his eyes, well, sockets met the scene. His jaw nearly fell off. Valkyrie was standing on the top of the stairs. She was wearing a faded sky blue dress that came up to her knees and silk flowed all the way down to the floor. Her hair was curled at the ends and was draped over her shoulders.

Valkyrie smiled and giggled. "Well, what do you think?"

Skulduggery made a noise of clearing his throat. "You look wonderful, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie blushed slightly and walked down towards him. She tilted her head slightly and asked hesitantly. "Could.....you help me………you know………put it on?" She pointed at the necklace.

Skulduggery stared at her for a second. "Uh……of course………yeah."

Valkyrie turned her back to him and waited as he unclipped the clasp. He draped the necklace over her neck and brushed her hair out of the way, Valkyrie shivered slightly as his gloved hand made contact with her neck. A scent crept from her hair and Skulduggery breathed it in. It smelt of lemon and orange. His favourite fruits.

"I hope I'm not interrupting." A voice declared beside them. It was Tanith. The moment destroyer. The professional trouble maker.

Skulduggery quickly finished his work. "What? No, I'm just………helping Valkyrie………helping her…………" He faded off under the gaze of both women. Valkyrie was staring at him with wonder while Tanith was staring at him with a smirk.

"Good luck with your date." He said quickly to Valkyrie before rushing to the front door.

As Skulduggery was about to step out, Ghastly emerged and collided into him.

"Whoa, Skul! Slow down, man."

Skulduggery stumbled up without a word and went into his Bentley. He glanced at the confused group before stepping on the pedal.

Tanith arched and eyebrow towards Valkyrie. "What was wrong with him?"

"I don't know," She replied with a shrug.

Before Tanith could say another word, Ghastly shook his head.

"What is wrong with Skulduggery is none of your business."

Tanith glared at Ghastly and was interrupted again by the phone. Valkyrie picked it up

"Hello?"

"Hey Valkyrie!"

"Oh hey, Douglas!"

"I'm at the gate."

"Right, I'm coming."

Valkyrie hanged up and turned to Ghastly and Tanith. "Well, I'll be home round about 9." she told them before she fled out the door.

Ghastly watched Valkyrie leave before turning to Tanith who gazed into his dark green eyes.

_Does she know how I feel about her, after all these years? _Ghastly thought as he gazed back.

**

Skulduggery sat in his meditation chair, completely switched off. His mind was wandering everywhere. They were flowing from his wife, Ivy Jewels, his child, Fiona Paris, and suddenly it settled onto Valkyrie Cain. The girl with dark hair, dark eyes and a beautiful face. A girl that he had known for 13 years. A girl that he was starting to love.

_No, I can't, _he thought, _she'll get hurt, she'll end up like Ivy and Fiona._

He tried to ignore the thought that he loved Valkyrie and made his mind wander elsewhere.

Suddenly, the door flung open and Valkyrie stumbled inside. Skulduggery awoke and rushed towards Valkyrie. He caught her in his arms. She looked a mess. Her make up was smudged with her tears and her dress was torn. her arms were covered with cuts and bruises. Skulduggery face darkened.

"Sku…(gasp)…Skuldugger…(gasp)……SKULDUGGERY!!!" she sobbed.

"Hush now, Valkyrie, I'm here." Skulduggery said soothingly, rubbing her back with gentle strokes.

"He…(gasp)………he tried…(gasp)……to rape…(gasp)"

That was all Skulduggery wanted to hear. "Sssh, calm down now, deep breaths, that's it."

He bought her down to the nearest couch and sat there with Valkyrie, sobbing her heart to him. He cradled her until she had calm down.

"What happened?" Skulduggery asked, though he already knew what the answer was.

Valkyrie took a shaky breath. "We had just finished supper, and he was driving me home. Except, it wasn't the way home! I pointed that out to him and he just smiled at me. We came to this ally and he got out, dragging me with him. I was frightened and tried to escape his grip but he pulled me into the alleyway and……… (gasp)" She was crying again. "(Gasp) I slammed him with air but he was strong, (gasp) I tried to kick him and I got free. So I, (gasp) fled. Your house was the closest, (gasp) it wasn't easy!" Then she was sobbing away into his shirt.

Skulduggery went quiet. This guy. This guy who had hurt his only love alive. Who tried to rape her. Who tried to hurt her. He will pay.


	4. Awkwardness

Yay! Updates! Thank you everyone for their reviews! Sorry for holding you up, I had 5 tests to study! Anyways, fourth chapter is up! Enjoy!

Happy Reading!

BlueBottle

* * *

Tanith watched in disbelief as Valkyrie sped out the door to "Douglas" who was "at the gate."

After when Valkyrie had left, Ghastly and Tanith stayed in their spot for a few moments.

…………………………

Tanith looked at Ghastly who gazed back.

"Uh………well this is awkward…" she said, giving a little smile.

Ghastly chuckled. "You can say that again."

……………………………

Another moment of silence passed.

"So………you wanna watch TV?" Tanith pointed to the lounge.

"What?"

It was clear that he was in his own world thinking about something. Tanith rolled her eyes and repeated her question.

"Oh, yeah sure." Ghastly said sheepishly.

They both went into the lounge and Tanith lay on one sofa while Ghastly rested on the armchair. They watched the channel in silence.

Very awkward silence.

Tanith was sure that Ghastly was deep in his thoughts, and he kept shooting glances at her. She smiled at this thought.

* * *

Ghastly's POV

Her smile was so beautiful; I think it melted my heart.

_How on earth am I supposed to tell her?_

_Don't be a chicken, Ghastly, just get straight to the point!_

_But does or will she feel the same for me?_

_Man, you are paranoid! You think too much! _

_It's not my fault! I'm just a bit worried!_

_You are not chicken about fighting, monsters, etcetera but you are chicken about telling a girl about how you feel about her?! _

……………………………

_You are one strange little scarred man._

I shook my head disapprovingly. _God, how thick can I be?! I'm arguing with my goddamn self!!_

Tanith noticed me shaking my head. Her head was turned towards me, titled. She looked pretty sexy. I shook my head furiously from that thought. How can I be so sick!?

"Something wrong?"

I jerked my head up and saw that she was staring at me with concern. With concern! Maybe she cares about me…… I probably have a chance then!

I realized I haven't answered my question and smiled.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you."

Tanith nodded. "Alright then, well I'm gonna get something to drink. Do you want something?"

I nodded and she got up. My eyes followed her. I have to admit that she was pretty muscular and her curves were nice.

She saw me staring at her. That's because she glanced over her shoulder. How convenient. But that's beside the point. The point was that I thought I saw that smile playing again her face before she disappeared into the kitchen.

3rd Person view

* * *

Tanith walked out the kitchen carrying 2 cans of cokes and arrived at the lounge. She handed Ghastly his coke and resumed back into her seat. _Well, I saw him checking me out, perhaps there is a feeling,_ Tanith thought. She looked at Ghastly. He looked troubled.

"Is there something you wanna say?" she asked.

Ghastly stared at her, eyes wide. Tanith patted the seat next to her, indicating him to sit there. He swallowed and went over to her.

He looked at her. She was waiting for him to say something. He took a deep breath.

"Uhm……I'vegotsomethingtotellyou…" Ghastly spoke, mushing his words. (In case you can't read that, it says" I've got something to tell you.")

Tanith smiled slightly. "Go nuts."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you………that………I……uh……to tell that I………uh…-"

Tanith pressed her fingers against Ghastly's lips, before he could utter another word.

"Shut up." was all she said. Then suddenly she kissed him.

Ghastly was taken aback when she pressed her hand on his mouth and said shut up. He was even more surprised when she kissed him. He kissed back tenderly, enjoying every feeling.

* * *

Is that too much? Was it bad? REVIEW, REVIEW!!! That's it for now! Hope you enjoyed it! Don't worry, Skulduggery's revenge would be next coming up! (Excuse any grammar and spelling errors!)


	5. Revenge

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Yip yip yip! This chapter would contain a bit of gore, blood, language, more gore……But, uh, hope you enjoy them! My mind won't work properly because today I walked into the pole! But the worst thing was I saw it and rammed into it…………………yes I know, I'm really stupid! So excuse any grammar and spelling errors!

Happy Reading

BlueBottle

P.S: This chapter might not contain much humour but I'll try my best to fit it in!

* * *

Skulduggery watched Valkyrie as she hiccupped a few times in her sleep. _Poor girl,_ _why does the world have to be so sick?!_

He then stood up and went to his wardrobe where he parted the clothes and revealed a safe. He typed in the code and opened it. Inside, there was a tracker, a dagger, his revolver, a piece of parchment and a small ivory-made box. Skulduggery placed his hand box and bowed his head. He stayed like that for a few seconds before reaching for the tracker and weapons. Before closing the safe, he looked at the dagger. Weighing his options to take it, he flipped it over and back. _Should I take revenge with this? Should I take a life in my very hands?_ He stared at the dagger before replacing it back in the safe, closing the door.

Skulduggery crossed the room with silence towards the front door. He glanced at Valkyrie. Oh, how he wished he could plant a kiss on her at this very moment.

"Don't worry, my love, I'll be back with the solution for your problems."

And he left.

********

She was sure that she heard him. As if his voice was right next to her ear. She was sure she heard the door close. As if he had left with the wind. She was sure that he had gone for her. As if it was between life and death. She was sure that he went to get revenge. As if he was in rage. Silent rage.

********

Skulduggery sped down the streets with the tracker in one hand. The lights danced rhythmically on his skull as he typed in the name "Douglas Cursed." He waited for a moment for the satellites to track his phone. It seemed like Douglas was in the local park. Skulduggery pressed on the gas, putting on his hat.

********

Douglas paced in the park as if he was getting impatient. He was waiting for a girl that was coming to meet him. Douglas looked up at the sound of an engine. He rolled his eyes and made his way towards the car.

"Nina, next time hurry up! I ain't got all day, y –"He stopped halfway. _Wait a minute, this isn't Nina's car!_ He thought.

A figure climbed out the car. It was too tall and skinny to be this girl.

"Nina…is that you?"

"No, it is not me." The figure replied in a smooth, low voice.

"Who the f*** are you!?"

"I am…your worst enemy in fact." The figure said as he walked towards Douglas who was backing away instinctively.

"Do I know you?" Douglas asked suspiciously trying to back away from the freaky tall dude. So what he thought. He tripped over a rock and stumbled until he landed on the floor.

The figure was silent for a second as if he was thinking about his answer.

"No, you don't. Nor I for you. But what you and I do know, is that you have tried to harm my associate."

"I know nothing about your stupid associate! Get the f*** away from me!!"

"Tut tut, she could've done better." He said, shaking his head. "I'm sure you're familiar with this name…" The figure looked down at the frightened guy. "Valkyrie Cain."

Douglas's eyes widened. "What do you know about her?!"

"You tried to rape her." He said simply with a small shrug.

"Lies! I never did anything to her!"

"Did what?"

"Tried to rape her."

"Rape who?"

"What?"

"That you tried to rape Valkyrie?"

"Yeah."

"Then you _did_ tried to rape her?"

"Yes…" Realizing what he just said, he quickly caught himself. "No!"

The figure thought about it for a moment. "Hah, no, I'm just messing with your fuzzy, sick head." And with that he took out a gun and aimed it at the victim's head. "But I knew it was you."

Douglas started to freak out; he tried to get up but slipped on the wet grass. Meanwhile, the figure was unwrapping a scarf he had around his head concealing his face. Douglas frowned for a moment and then stared with horror. The figure had no face and as the saying goes, "All he had was a skull for a head."

"Remember this face, well technically speaking I don't have a face, but that's besides the point, remember this face. The face that killed you."

* * *

Then there was a gunshot.

* * *

HAHA!! Cliffhanger! Was it bad, good, dunno? REVIEWS REMEMBER!!!!! Hehe, I think you noticed I got the idea (The part when Skul tricked Douglas) from _Playing with fire_. Hope I wasn't copying or anything! Hope you enjoyed it!


	6. I'm yours, and you are mine

Eeeh……sorry if I've been holding you guys up! This week was pretty hectic for me! Sorry again!

Happy waiting and reading. XD

BlueBottle

* * *

"Ouch, watch it man! Ow! Dammit! OW!!!"

"Hold still, it'll hurt even more if you move."

"Yes but still your gr– OW!!!"

"Honestly, Valkyrie, hush! Gordon would think I'm raping you or something."

"……………"

"Oh, sorry. The memory."

Valkyrie shook her head and let Skulduggery dab the deep cut the was on her cheek. "It's just……I still don't know if I should be relieved or angry!"

Skulduggery poured more medicine onto the cotton wool and continued to dab the cut. "Well, he did deserve it."

"Still, it's murder. Murder is against the law."

"Attempting to harm you is against the law."

Valkyrie tilted her head in thought. "Am I thinking right?"

"………I hope you are not thinking what I'm thinking that you are thinking."

"Well, I'm sure that you clearly know what you're thinking that I am thinking is correct."

"If I'm thinking what you are thinking is correct, then don't think what I am thinking that you are thinking."

"You lost me. OW! Godammit! "

"Sorry, but seriously Valkyrie, I'm merely stating that Douglas has gone too far with you, as my associate."

"As your associate? Aww, Skulduggery, that's so sweet to count me as yours!" Valkyrie commented with a grin."

Skulduggery sighed and continued with his work. "You can stop grinning anytime now, I can hardly heal this with the silly mind of yours."

Valkyrie lowered her grin to a small smile as she shifted on the edge of the bath.

Silence passed for a moment before Valkyrie realized how close she was from Skulduggery and vice versa for Skulduggery. He could feel her breath on his cheek bones. Valkyrie slowly and hesitantly, leaned closer. Skulduggery stopped in his mid-dab and looked into her eyes and then her lips. He couldn't resist this anymore and pulled her by the waist and crushed her lips against his teeth.

Valkyrie closed her eyes and moaned a bit. Inside her mind was nothing but him and his lips. _Lips?!_ She thought, and her eyes opened sharply. She pulled herself away from him and stared at him with confusion. "Lips?" she said again, "You are a skeleton!"

"Surprise." Skulduggery answered with a hint of a smile in his voice.

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow and kissed him again to make sure it was all true. Results? She hadn't been imagining it. "Impossible…" she said softly.

"You are impossible." Skulduggery said, leaning in again. They stayed like that for a few seconds before breaking up, with Valkyrie panting. "I'm yours." She said, stroking his cheek bone.

He took her hand and pressed it onto his mouth.

"And you are mine."

* * *

Well, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next chapter will be soon, promise! You'll be surprised how soon it is! REVIEW! REVIEW!!


	7. God did it

Yay! Updates! Hehe! Chapter 7 is up! Hope you enjoy it! It's pretty short!

Happy Reading

BlueBottle

P.S: Valkyrie is 69 but looks in 20's

* * *

-CRASH-

"It's your turn."

"But I went before!"

"No, I did, and still, Skulduggery, he's your son.'

"So you are saying that he's not your son too?"

-CRASH-

"Just go, will you?!"

"Alright, alright, Mrs Pleasant."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow as she read the newspaper, not glancing at him at all. Skulduggery rose and went to Luke's bedroom. When he arrived, it was a total mess. The mattress was on the floor and the blankets were sprawled everywhere. There was a half boy/skeleton standing in the middle of the mess. He was a normal boy but part of his arm showed his bones, the radius and the ulna, and his collar bone was showing beneath his pajamas. You can actually see a bit of white on his cheeks.

"Luke, what happened?" Skulduggery asked wearily.

"God did it." Luke replied innocently with a smile.

Surprised, Skulduggery returned back to Valkyrie and told her what Luke had said.

-CRASH-

Still laughing, Valkyrie went to inspect the noise this time. Skulduggery waited for Valkyrie to return.

"Oh, dear God, what did you do this time?!" He had heard from Luke's room.

* * *

Hope you actually get the joke! Hehe, if you don't get it, don't hesitate to ask! Sorry that it's a short chappie! It's the shortest thing I've ever typed! Questions are welcome, ya know!


	8. The broken window and getting hit

Not much to say here, but ooh yes, guess what……I'm making Luke like part of the story since everyone looooves him! Yipee for that!

Happy Reading

BlueBottle

* * *

"Moooom…"

"What, honey?"

"Dad broke the window."

Valkyrie turned around and saw 10 year old Luke, in the middle of the kitchen, wearing a baseball cap and shirt, holding a bat. His whole arm was boned.

"You don't have to be like Daddy you know." Valkyrie said, putting her hands on her hips.

"I know I can change, Mom, but I like Dad's style too! Half person and skeleton? That's waaay awesome!"

Valkyrie shook her head with a smile. "Ok, ok, but make sure you don't go to school like that. Now, what window did you say Daddy broke?"

Just then, Skulduggery walked in, holding a ball in his hand and sello-tape in the other.

"What?" He said innocently.

Luke looked at his mom and then his dad and then the stairs. Making up his mind, he headed towards the stairs. "Erm…… I gotta go pee, you guys go on!"

"Lukie, stay where you are." Valkyrie commanded firmly, still keeping her glare on Skulduggery.

Luke stopped in his tracks and swirled around. "May I help you?" he asked sweetly.

Skulduggery glanced at Luke and then Valkyrie. "He batted it!"

Luke stared at Skulduggery, horrified. "Well, you bowled it! So it's your fault"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!!"

-Silence-

"Off, to your room now."

Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie disbelievingly. "You don't expect to me to go do you?"

"Try me." Valkyrie said, dangerously.

Skulduggery gulped and shuffled away. "Yes, ma'am." He said quickly.

Luke was busy struggling not to laugh until Valkyrie shot him a glare. He grinned and dashed away. After Valkyrie has got rid of them, she sighed and slumped down onto the dining chair. Suddenly, there was a whoosh.

"Oh, hey Fletcher."

"Wassup! Where are the others?

"In their rooms."

"Did you send them there?"

Valkyrie grinned. "How did you guess?"

Fletcher took an apple and bit into it. "You're predictable."

Laughing, Valkyrie rose from the chair and went over to the sink. She felt a bit sick. Suddenly, she retched and vomited into the basin.

Shocked, Fletcher dropped the apple onto the table and went over to Valkyrie, holding her hair up.

"Ugh, this has been going on for a week now!" Valkyrie complained, wiping her mouth with a tissue.

Fletcher looked thoughtful. "You're pregnant."

Valkyrie stopped moving and stared at Fletcher. "Again?"

"Possible."

"Wow, erm…………"

"When was the last you had sex?"

-WHACK-

"OW! Fudgenut! What the hell was that for!?" Fletcher exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head.

"For being nosy." Valkyrie replied, folding her arms.

"No but still I ne-"

-WHACK-

"Godammit! Stop it would ya?!"

Skulduggery came down the stairs, peering around the corner. "What was all that yelling?"

Valkyrie grinned at him. "Just me hitting Fletcher."

Skulduggery chuckled and went over to her, wrapping his arms around her. "That's one of the many reasons why I love you." He said before kissing her tenderly.

"Get a room, people." Fletcher piped up, as if reminding them as if he was still there.

"Then get out, Fletcher, you are crowding the room." Skulduggery smirked.

"UNCLE FLETCHER!" Luke came running into Fletcher's arms.

"Hey-hey kiddo, how ya doing!?"

"Good!"

"Well, sorry I can't stay long, kid, gotta get back to Auntie Rina. Cheers guys! Guys?"

Skulduggery and Valkyrie had been making out again.

"Eeeew, get a room!" Luke cried, covering his eyes.

Valkyrie broke apart and looked at Luke sternly. "Where did you get that language?!"

Luke said nothing and just pointed at Fletcher.

"Uhm, I guess I should be going!" Fletcher said quickly. But he didn't quickly enough.

-WHACK-

"Dammit! Don't you guys ever get old of hitting me!?" He groaned before teleporting away.

* * *

Well, how was it? Really random, yes! Haha! REVIEWS!!!! I am waiting!


	9. Regret Morgan

Lalala! Yipee! Thanks for the reviews! They are just awesome! I is very happy with me reviews! Hehe, sorry, I'm on sugar high at this very moment! Chapter 9 is up!

Happy Reading

BlueBottle

P.S: WARNING: This chapter may contain disturbing words of violence.

* * *

Valkyrie panted as she sprinted down the hallway.

She had been running for a few minutes and her ears were hurting from her own footsteps that echoed and bounced off the walls.

She made a sharp turn into the main reception of the school, glancing behind her. Since Valkyrie didn't look where she was going, she collided into something hard and soon, the floor disappeared beneath her and the world rocked in front of her eyes.

"Valkyrie!"

Valkyrie looked up and saw Skulduggery rushing towards her. He helped her up with his revolver in one hand. When Valkyrie stood, she hissed in pain, and grabbed the right side of her hip. She must've fractured it when she fell. Skulduggery supported her as she tested her hip.

_Speaking of falling, what did I hit into?_ Valkyrie thought as she bit her bottom lip to stop herself from crying out.

"You hit into the desk, "Skulduggery said, as if answering her unspoken question, "Please, watch where you are going."

"How was I supposed to know that it was there!? A stupid mad man was chasing me with a dagger and AK-47!" Valkyrie growled through her clenched teeth.

Skulduggery shrugged. "Where is he?"

"Here I am."

They both spun around to face the murderer. He was an English man and had a moustache above his mouth. He had dark brown hair, with a hat and wore a green suit. In each hand, he carried a dagger and a machine gun. His name…was Regret Morgan. The city's most wanted murderer.

"Missed me?"

Without a warning, he aimed at the pair and fired. Valkyrie threw herself sideways, onto the floor despite her fractured hip while Skulduggery ducked and tried to deflect the bullets by pushing the air. He dived into Morgan and they tumbled down to the floor. Morgan sliced the dagger into Skulduggery's head and it cut into his skull.

"You will never get me!" He yelled hysterically.

Skulduggery screamed in pain and fury, and he jabbed his fist into Morgan's gut.

Morgan gagged out blood and pulled the trigger of the gun. Skulduggery moved aside to avoid the bullets.

"You wish." Skulduggery growled back.

Meanwhile Valkyrie was busy throwing fireballs from the floor. She was having trouble to aim for the right person because the whole fight itself was just so confusing. She heard Skulduggery shrieked in agony.

"Skulduggery!" She screamed at him, eyes filling up with tears.

Valkyrie tried to push herself up from the floor but fell back down, crying in agony. Skulduggery delivered an upper hook, followed by a kick in the stomach. Morgan grunted as he doubled over. He then charged into Skulduggery and pushed him against the wall, holding the dagger where Skulduggery's throat was. His mouth was dripping with blood and had a major cut amongst his cheek.

"I've heard about you, Detective. Everyone says I should fear you and run away. I believed them and ran for years. But now, somehow I have you at the very neck of you time." Morgan snarled.

Skulduggery glanced at Valkyrie and saw the pure horror that was placed on her beautiful face. He badly wanted to reassure her that everything was alright but not with this crazy man here, holding the knife by his neck. He didn't want to give her away. She had to stay alive for Luke's sake, not to mention himself. Skulduggery focused on Morgan once again.

"Well, you should've believed them." And then he kicked his privates. Morgan cried out and dropped the knife and gun. He kneeled to the ground, grabbing the place where Skulduggery had kicked him. Skulduggery tilted his head; amusement was strong in his voice.

"I appreciate that you are bowing at me, it is very flattering, but seriously, it wasn't necessary."

Morgan groaned and fell sideways onto the floor.

Skulduggery walked over to Valkyrie and smiled his skeleton smile at her. "He worships me."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Har har, congratulations, you are a god." She said sarcastically.

Skulduggery shook his head. "That sarcasm of yours, is big comparing to your brains."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "And that ego of yours, is so annoying for your life." She grinned in triumph for what she said.

"That doesn't top mine."

"Yes, it does!"

"No, it doesn't."

"It does!"

"It doesn't"

"Yeah!"

"Nope."

"Ah-huh."

"Uh-uh."

"Skulduggery…"

"Yes?"

-Clink-

"BEHIND YOU!!" Valkyrie screamed unexpectedly.

Skulduggery whipped around, just in time to see a shoe come flying across, towards his face. He expected it to just knock against his skull, but it sent him flying to the ground. He knocked his skull onto the tiles and then………blackout. _Oh, because it still has a leg in it. _He thought dryly before he got swallowed into the blackness.

Valkyrie glared up into the eyes of Morgan who was pointing the gun at her. "You idiot."

* * *

Hehe, cliffhanger! Whats going to happen next?! More reviews and I'll tell ya!


	10. Games and swearing

Sorry for holding you guys! Really! This week was like whoooaaa! Sorry again! Keep those reviews coming!

Happy Reading

BlueBottle

P.S: Luke is 11

* * *

Beep, beep…

_What in the world is that? _Skulduggery thought.

Beep…beep

"Ugh, c'mon! Die!!"

_No really, what the hell?! All I remember is falling to the ground. _He thought again.

Beep, beep…

"Stupid, monster! I'm going to use my bazooka!"

The room blurred in front of Skulduggery's eyes as he stared at the ceiling.

"Mooom! I need the charger!"

"_Mom"? Luke?_

Beep, beep…

"Haha!! Yes!! I killed the boss!! Now, I'm on level 15!!"

Skulduggery groaned and propped himself on his elbows on the hospital bed. In front of him, he could see a figure, playing with something in his hands.

"MOOOM!!"

A voice came from the half-closed door. "What, honey?! Stop shouting! Kenspeckle doesn't like shouting in the lab!"

"But my batteries are dying!"

Skulduggery rubbed his head and found the tender spot where Morgan had kicked. He winced as touched it. _How the hell does it hurt?! I have a bloody skull for goodness sake!_

Someone walked through the door, with a crutch towards him. "Hey, blackout man, how are you feeling?"

"Valkyrie? What happened to Regret?"

Valkyrie shrugged. "He's history. I sort of broke his face…well burnt it…"

Skulduggery looked at the crutches and back to Valkyrie's face. Valkyrie knew what he was thinking.

"Oh, remember? Fractured hip? Yes, I know, Kenspeckle did heal it and I was supposed to stay in bed but you know me." Valkyrie explained, finishing with a grin.

Skulduggery shook his head. "Typical."

"DIE, YOU STUPID FREAK!!!"

Both of them looked at the figure that sat in a chair, playing PSP. Luke looked up and stared at them. "What?"

Valkyrie stared back at Luke. "Aren't you gonna say hi to daddy?"

Luke held up a finger and looked down at his game. "One minute! Oh nuts, I need health! Move out of my way, dude!"

Valkyrie shook her head in disapproval. "Rina shouldn't have bought that for him for Christmas."

Kenspeckle bustled into the room, carrying a bottle. "Mr. Pleasant, stay in bed."

"But I've got to go home." Skulduggery protested.

"No, only at the end of the day." Kenspeckle opened the bottle and poured it over Skulduggery's skull. The red substance oozed over the crack and formed a red circle around it.

"Ow, dammit!" Skulduggery flinched away from Kenspeckle, "What the hell _is_ that stuff!?"

Kenspeckle rolled his eyes. "Keep still, it's to help you survive."

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Times running out!" Luke urged. He was staring intently at the screen. "Argh! Man! Shit!"

Valkyrie's mouth dropped. "Luke Pleasant!"

Luke looked up innocently at his mother. "Yes, mother?"

"Don't act so innocently, you know what you said." Valkyrie said, in a motherly firm voice.

Luke tilted his head. "I don't remember swearing."

Valkyrie's eyes narrowed and her nose flared. "I remember that phrase and I," she growled, as she hobbled out the door, "am going to find that Fletcher."

Luke's eyes followed Valkyrie out the door. He then looked at Skulduggery.

"Oh, hi dad."

* * *

Hehe, Fletcher is going to get some spanking! REVIEWS!!!!! I'm not going to update unless I get decent reviews!! I think the ending sucked...


	11. Nightmare at school

Holy fudgenuts! I've been gone for a month?! Wow! I'm sorry! The exams had been holding me up! So sorry! Curse you stupid exams! I am now so outdated! Anyways, I've made it up by vowing I would update at least once a week! Hope you guys enjoy!

Happy Reading!  
TheBlueBottle

P.S: Valkyrie is 15 or so and Skulduggery is human. (God knows why…)

Valkyrie took out her books out of the locker and elbowed the door shut, twisting the code. Skulduggery had made her go to school ever since there was nothing they could do. If a crisis began while she was in suffering inside the cursed building, he promised that he would fetch her.

Valkyrie sighed and slammed her head on the locker. _I hate that frigging used-to-be skeleton…_

"Stephanie? You alright?"

She looked up and saw her Math class mate, Jason. He was staring at her as if she was mad.

"Yeah," Valkyrie replied dully, "Just tired…"

Jason raised an eyebrow. "What did _you_ get up to last night?"

_Fighting bad guys and jumping off a burning building._ "Not much, really but I'm just tired. No questions asked."

"Banging your head on the locker isn't a good solution to get rid of the ti-"

The front doors of the school banged open and there stood…

Fletcher.

"Wassup peeps!"

Valkyrie's eyes bulged out of their sockets as she gaped at him. He was wearing a long, colourful, baggy t-shirt with torn jeans. A peace sign necklace bounced off his chest as he strode in with a slouch. He had a red bandana around his forehead and wore huge sunglasses. He looked like a hippie.

"Fl-Fletcher?!" Valkyrie squeaked.

Fletcher walked in, shooting everyone with his gun-shaped hands. The girls giggled and whispered while eyebrows were raised for the guys. Fletcher reached Valkyrie and pointed his hands at her.

"What's rocking, Stephanie?!"

Valkyrie slapped a hand over her eyes and groaned. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and dragged away from the crowd. When they were out of sight, Valkyrie propped him against the wall.

"What the hell are you doing?!" She snarled.

Fletcher held his hands up in protest. "I was just- just having some fun!"

"You think you could just walk in here and humiliate me?! Well, think again!"

Valkyrie summoned a flame and held it near his hair. He started to squirm.

"Not the hair! Valkyrie! Please! Not the hair!"

"Then get out of here!"

Fletcher pried her hands away before teleporting away without a word. She waited for a moment to make sure he wasn't going to pop up again. After she was satisfied, she picked up her books and trudged off to class. The corridors were empty, she must be late.

She arrived at the English class and knocked on the door. Mr. Stapleburg had his back to her.

"Uhm…sorry I'm late- "Valkyrie began, stepping into the class.

He turned.

"Mr. St-…St…SKULDUGGERY!?"

Skulduggery grinned at her but then turned it into a frown, wagging his finger at her. "And you call the teacher by the name, Stephanie? What have I told you about manners?"

All Valkyrie could do is just stare with disbelief.

The class sniggered and whispered among themselves as she walked backwards, keeping her eyes on her mentor.

_What the hell is going on here?! Is there a murderer on the loose? After me?_

Valkyrie's thoughts were interrupted when Skulduggery rubbed his hands and addressed the class.

"Alright, class, settle down. I am your substitute for today and I dearly hope that we could work together nicely and smoothly."

The class sniggered again and a girl, who was sitting next to Valkyrie, leaned over and sneered in her ear. "You know this clown, Stephanie? Wow, you must be famous of the stupids! That hippie guy is one of you guys, right?"

Valkyrie gritted her teeth to fight the urge to burn her pretty face. Throughout the lesson, Valkyrie glared at Skulduggery while he "taught" the class. He was cracking up jokes and laughed even though it wasn't funny. He kept shooting Valkyrie winks and the class would wolf-whistle and jeer at her.

At the end, Valkyrie stormed up to Skulduggery's desk.

"Well, what was that?!" She demanded.

Skulduggery looked up innocently. "What was what?"

"Why are you here?! First Fletcher and now you! Explain!"

"There's nothing to explain."

"Then _why are you here!?_"

"Well…since there's nothing to do, we all thought we'd come and lighten up your school day," Skulduggery said with a shrug.

Valkyrie narrowed her eyes, "What do you mean "we"?! Who else is here?!"

Skulduggery smiled and winked. "You'll see for yourself. Now run along, you'll be next for Ta-…oh ahem, your P.E lesson."

He guided her out the door and gave her a pat on her head before gesturing the next class in. Valkyrie growled and stomped her way to the change rooms.

_This is going to be a long, painful, embarrassing day…_

She walked into the courts, silently praying that everything would once again be normal. Unfortunately, her prayers weren't answered. There stood Tanith, balancing her sword tip on her finger. Everyone stared with awe. Tanith saw her.

"Heya Val!" She called, flicking the sword and caught it by the staff. She walked up to Valkyrie and gave her a crushing bear-hug. Valkyrie just stayed stiff and let Tanith drop her to her feet.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here!?" Valkyrie hissed, keeping her voice low.

Tanith grinned. "Having fun and making you day!"

With that, she faced the class and placed her arm around Valkyrie who placed her hands on her face.

The lesson wasn't as bad as she thought it would be but still, it was bad enough. The boys were trying to engage Tanith into a conversation and asked for her number. Tanith gave them a number but Valkyrie knew it was a fake. Some even asked Valkyrie if she knew where Tanith lived ever since it looked like they were close.

Valkyrie left 5 minutes early to the bathrooms. She splashed her face with water and calmed herself down.

"Okay, now that's the last of it, " she reassured herself, "Ghastly won't be this immature, he's probably in his shop, too busy to agree to do this…yeah, that's about it."

After a while, she heard people rustling outside. It was break time. She emerged from the bathrooms and went to the cafeteria. Valkyrie could hear some people talking about the new substitute teachers. Some were criticizing, some were just gossiping but others were complimenting and adoring them.

Valkyrie sighed again. _At least they won't embarrass me any longer._

She took her tray and stood in the queue, listening to other people's conversation.

"Stephanie!"

_Oh no…it can't be!_

Valkyrie looked up and saw Ghastly behind the counter in a pink apron and a chef's hat. He was holding a spatula.

"Oh crap…"

"Stephanie!" Ghastly said again. "What would you like to keep yourself strong and healthy as a sheep?"

"Uuuh…isn't it "strong and healthy as a horse?" Nevermind……just a juice…thanks…"

Ghastly placed a juice carton on her tray and winked at her. "A juice for our good 'ol Stephanie, eh?"

She looked around and saw the people in the queue were staring at her with wide, beady, eyes. Valkyrie gestured behind her.

"Uhm, Ghastly, I gotta go," She fumbled quickly, "Queue."

Valkyrie sat in the furthest table, away from everyone. Suddenly, the lights went off and a few people squealed.

Everyone went into a hushed silence, waiting for something to happen.

-CLANK-

Spotlights came on and shined at a group of people. They were standing in a line.

"Oh…my…GOD!!!"

To Valkyrie's horror, the line consisted of people from her world. Mostly everyone. Now, she knew something was wrong.

Skulduggery, Tanith, Ghastly, Fletcher, Kenspeckle, China, Bliss, Guild, Crux, Dusk, Sanguine, Clarabelle, Jack, etc… Everyone.

And they were in hula outfits.

Behind them, there was a banner that read: **To Our Dearest Stephanie**. Hawaiian music came out of nowhere and they started to dance.

Valkyrie screamed in embarrassment and continuously slammed her head on the table.

"Valkyrie! Valkyrie, stop! Goddammit!"

"Ooow…" she moaned and stopped with the world spinning before her eyes.

Skulduggery kept one hand on the steering wheel and rubbed the dashboard. "What is wrong with you?! Slamming your head on my precious dashboard!?"

Valkyrie stared around dazedly and saw that she was in the Bentley as it sped down the streets. She looked out the window and saw the sea shimmering under the moonlight.

_Oh gees, it's just a dream…it's just a dream…_

Skulduggery shook his head in mock-sorrow, his dark brown hair swaying. He glanced at her with emerald green eyes and smiled. "Today was a pretty good performance, don't you think?"

Valkyrie said nothing, still trying to shake off the nightmare. She saw a glimpse of pink by her feet and bent down. She picked it up and held it before her. It was a pink apron.

Valkyrie froze. _A pink apron. _

A scream echoed into the night as the Bentley sped through the forest and the leaves rustled behind them.

Somewhere in the world, far from Ireland, somewhere was laughing maniacally with a laptop, screen scrawled with words, in front of her.

Hehe, evil am I not?

REVEEEEEIIIWWW PWEASE!!!! Just click the little green tab below and say something nice! A lemon cookie to all who review! If you no like-a lemon cookie, you can choose other cookie! JUST REVIEW!!! RIGHT!! NOW!! ………………ahem, excuse me…I'll just go to that corner over there and wait…yeah, that's the best…


	12. Pure romance and embarresment

Cookies to all who reviewed! Yay! I just love you guys! (Unlocks cookie jar) Chapter 12 is up, y'all! Not much to say but thanks for reviewing the last chap! I'm glad I made some of you nearly choke to death (evil grin).

Happy Reading  
TheBlueBottle

* * *

It was silent in Dublin streets. Silent by the pier. Silent in every house even Bespoke Tailor's. Well…not for long.

"JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY!! OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLEIGH!!! HEY!!! JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE B-"

"WHAT IN THE CUCUMBERS WITH GASOLINE IS GOING ON!!??"

Ghastly stormed down the stairs into the lounge. When he emerged, he saw one heck of a scene.

Tanith, Fletcher and Valkyrie were still in their PJs and they were frozen in a spot, with their positions and poses like a bunch of tribesmen dancing around the fire (on one foot with an arm in the air), except this was around a Christmas tree with presents loaded on the bottom

Ghastly just stared with a mouth slightly agape. Time stood still for a moment before he spoke again. He said it slowly and cautiously, like he didn't want anything rash to happen.

"What…is going on?"

The three looked at each with shock clear on their faces. "Ghastly!?" Tanith cried.

"What?"

Fletcher sighed and walked up to Ghastly silently. He gently guided him to the couch and gestured him to sit with pure dignity. After Ghastly plopped himself on the couch, Fletcher glanced at him and erupted.

"HOW CAN YOU BLOODY HELL FORGET ABOUT CHRISTMAS?! IT'S THE 25TH, GHASTLY!! THE 25TH!!"

"No...it's only the 4th of December..."

Fletcher looked at Tanith who looked at Valkyyrie who's jaw dropped. "Oh crap..."

There was a noise of a door closing and everyone turned to see Skulduggery walking from the shop into the lounge, undoing his disguise.

"Why are you guys up so early? It's only 5 past 12 in the morning, for Pete's sake."

Valkyrie placed her hands behind her and said sweetly, "Exactly, same goes for you."

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Your point?"

She rolled her eyes and smiled slyly. "Why are _you_ up early? Trying to sneak in to watch Ghastly sleep?"

Fletcher and Tanith burst out laughing while Skulduggery spluttered. He couldn't get anything out so he huffed and snatched his disguise then walking out the door, slamming it behind him.

Fletcher looked at Tanith and the spot where he had seen the furious skeleton last. "You made him mad on Christmas Day," he said softly. Valkyrie stopped laughing when she felt guilt running through her veins.

* * *

Outside

"Skulduggery!"

Skulduggery turned around before being slammed against his precious Bentley with someone's body pressed onto his. She had her arms embraced around his neck.

"I'm so sorry…"

Valkyrie pulled back a bit to gaze into his sockets. "I won't do that again!"

Skulduggery chuckled and wrapped his arms around her waist. "That's really likely, you know."

Valkyrie pressed her lips onto his teeth and enjoyed cool sensation that ran through her spine. Skulduggery pressed her closer.

He could never stay mad at her, she was so irresistible. Anyone that would be able to resist her would need to get their brains checked.

* * *

Inside

"Aaaw! Look at them!"

Fletcher winkled his face with disgust and turned away. "They need a room."

Tanith flicked the blind back to its place before raising her eyebrow at him. "Jealous!" she mocked.

Fletcher gaped at her. "I'm not!"

"Are too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

They kept at each other and soon their faces were a finger-length away from each other.

"Hey, now. Stop being so childish, kids."

Ghastly came in carrying a tray with 5 cups of tea, he set it down on the coffee table and stared at the arguing pair. They, he reflected, looked like a pair of canaries fighting over a piece of bread.

"Butt face!"

"Cow turd!"

"Frogs ass!"

Ghastly shook his head and smiled sorrowfully. "Okay, now this is going overboard, shut up now."

They fell silent but still glared at each other. Ghastly shook his head again and went to his window. "Oh for God's love, don't tell they are actually going to spend their time in the _car_!"

Tanith squealed and rushed over to the window. "This is soooo exciting!"

Fletcher and Ghastly gawked at her. She noticed their silence and looked at them calmly. "Nothing to worry about."

"Tanith, are you sure you not on crack?" Fletcher asked worriedly.

She scoffed, plopping herself on the couch and took a cup of tea. The rest followed her lead and soon, the room was filled with sounds of sipping. After a while, Ghastly went to his workbench in the other room and it was only Fletcher and Tanith were in the lounge.

Fletcher took this opportunity to strike. "Tanith?"

No answer.

"Hello?!"

An angry murmur came flying at him.

That's when Fletcher's eyes cleared. Tanith dozed off and was sprawled on the couch with her cup hanging loosely from her hand.

She was talking in her sleep. "Ghastly…Ghastly…my little Ghastly Ghost…so sweet…so spooky …so sexy…"

Fletcher stared with horror. "TANITH!!!"

Tanith jolted awake and sprang up. "I LOVE YOU, MY GHASTLY GHOST!!!"

Just then, Ghastly was passing through to get something from the room in the front. He stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Tanith. Fletcher's jaw was wide open as Scream's.

There was silence.

Really stunned silence.

Tanith realized what she had said and swallowed. "Uh…hi, guys…"

* * *

That was terrible, I know. But anyways just review! Oh my soul, I can't believe I'm out of ideas already!! Gosh, I'm an awful writer! Ideas, please, people! I feel like I'm gonna cry now…


	13. Family Time Part 1: Plans

Not much to say…so I guess I'll get right onto the insane and silly drabble! But… LET US FIRST CELEBRATE FOR THE 50 REVIEWS!!! WOOHOO! Hehe, thanks for supporting me, guys! Help yourself with a cookie! (Unlocks cookie jar)!!

Happy Reading  
TheBlueBottle

P.S: This two-shot drabble is dedicated to the SkulduggeryGirl109 who had, once again, given me an idea! Oi people, gimme ideas or she'll be finishing the cookies! ^ ^

* * *

No more crimes happened for the day and the team was, for the umpteenth time, struck down with boredom. It was Christmas Eve and they were busy brainstorming of how to celebrate it. Sprawled in Gordon Edgley's lounge in different positions (_and no, I do not mean it that way to all who has thought dirty)_, they planned Christmas.

"What about staying here and celebrate?"

"Come up with another boring idea, Skulduggery, you'll be stuffed with cucumbers and gasoline."

"Charming, that is."

Skulduggery was sitting on one side of the loveseat with Valkyrie taking over the rest of the couch and her head on his lap. He was busy twirling a strand of her hair. Tanith was lying on her belly on another couch and Ghastly was busy in the kitchen, making cups of tea for everyone.

Valkyrie laughed. "Where did you get that threat, Tanith?"

Tanith shrugged and waved her hand lazily. "Annebella."

"Ah…her," Skulduggery nodded, understanding. Valkyrie frowned. _Who was she?_

"She always used to say it when she's pissed with somebody."

They heard Ghastly chuckle from the kitchen and he emerged carrying a tray with a teapot and 4 cups of tea.

"She's the most unusual person I've met," he said, placing it on the table.

Tanith narrowed her eyes and sat up straight, taking a cup. "Unusual as in…?"

Ghastly leaned into an armchair and shrugged. "Appearance, Tanith," he said with a small laugh, "Not as in_ that _type of special, I love you the most and you know that."

Tanith smiled, felling relieved and sipped on her tea. Valkyrie tilted his head questionably which Skulduggery noticed.

He patted her forehead reassuringly. "Don't worry, my dear, she's no one special."

* * *

_Someone far from Dublin narrowed her eyes. Soon, she'll have her revenge for not special!!!!!_

* * *

Valkyrie nodded and got back onto the subject. "Well, what are we going to do for Christmas?"

A young half-skeleton boy pranced down the stairs. His collarbones was showing under his green shirt with both his tibias (shin bone) exposed below his shorts. He was wearing white Nike sneakers. "What about going on a cruise?" 11-year-old Luke asked.

Valkyrie sat up and smiled thoughtfully. "That's not a bad idea."

A figure tumbled down the stairs, crashing into the room that was in front of it. There were sounds of china shattering. Tanith gasped and immediately shot up the couch but they heard an annoyed groan.

"Ooow…next time I'm not pretending to be a flying squirrel…and I hope Uncle G didn't like those…crystal…things…"

A small girl stumbled out, into the lounge, scowling. She was wearing a red top with a blue skirt and pink-and-black striped leggings. She looked about the same age as Luke. One of her arms was etched with scars but they looked aged, like it was scarred years ago.

She looked at everyone as they stared at her. "Did I miss something?"

Tanith sighed and flopped back onto the couch while Ghastly shook his head with a sad smile. "Mino, next time please be careful," Tanith pleaded.

Skulduggery chuckled. "She seems to developed her mother's talent."

Ghastly laughed along with him. "You wouldn't want to know how much things are broken back at home!"

Luke went into to the kitchen to get a coke for Mino and himself while young Mino launched herself at her scarred father. "You keep too much things at home, daddy!" she giggled.

"Things that you can't resist to touch!" Ghastly growled playfully, tickling her and the room was filled with laughs and squeals. Tanith smiled lovingly at the father and daughter while Skulduggery and Valkyrie cuddled, laughing. Luke came out, carrying two cans of coke.

"Hey, Mino, catch!"

Mino escaped the torture and caught one of the cans Luke threw at her before it landed on the floor. She grinned and said proudly, "Skills!"

Tanith laughed and grabbed her onto her lap. Luke rolled his eyes and glanced nervously at his parents.

"You're not going to go all mushy on me, are you?" he asked cautiously.

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery who shook his head and stood up. He went up to his son and placed his arm around him. "No, son, we're not."

Luke breathed out and smiled. "Good, because if you did then I would've been in the bathroom, puking."

Skulduggery looked down at him. "But I didn't say…that…-"

He quickly grabbed Luke in a light choke hold and rubbed his fist on his head, messing his hair. "- I wouldn't go all rough on you!"

"Aack! Dad! Stop! Please! Have mercy!"

All of them but Luke, who was obviously pleading to his dad, laughed and soon the pair broke apart with the skeleton-boy panting, shaking his head like a dog.

They eventually ended up on the couch with Valkyrie nuzzling her son.

"You said something about a cruise..." Tanith started.

Luke nodded. "Yeah, like a Christmas cruise."

"But with what ship?" Skulduggery questioned.

Mino nodded enthusiastically. "China owns one! It's so pretty!!"

Valkyrie and Tanith frowned. "When did you see it?!" they demanded at the same time.

Mino shrunk into her seat under their glares. "When you guys went to defeat bad people…" she answered quietly.

Ghastly growled. "Trust China to seduce the kids…"

Skulduggery shook his skull and stood up, facing everyone. "What did we tell you about staying away from strangers?"

Luke raised an eyebrow, taking a sip from his coke. "China's not a stranger."

"But she's dangerous enough to be one," Skulduggery scolded, "How many times do we have to tell you, no trusting China?"

Mino narrowed her eyes in thought. "Uh…126 times, throughout our lifetimes."

Skulduggery looked taken aback but he was loss for words at the young girl's memory. Tanith squeezed Mino's shoulders.

"But that's not the point! China is neither a good guy nor a bad guy so we must be careful."

Valkyrie looked at Luke. "You heard Aunt Tanith, so don't make me repeat it," she warned.

The children looked at each and sighed in unison, "Yes, mom."

Valkyrie looked happy that the kids came to an agreement. "Good, now we can move on, I still think that cruising is a good idea!"

Tanith nodded. "Count me in!"

The men shook their heads and disagreed stubbornly.

Skulduggery folded his arms and stood with confidence. "No."

Ghastly leaned back in his chair, placing his arms on the armrest, crossing his legs. "I wouldn't allow it."

Valkyrie glared at them and snarled, "Why not?!"

Skulduggery's posture faltered slightly as he saw how dangerous his wife looked.

"Bespoke…" Tanith started threateningly. Ghastly gulped and sweat had began to gather on his forehead.

Silence…

Suddenly, the lounge was filled with snarls and growls of threats until the men eventually gave up.

"Alright, Valkyrie!!" Skulduggery beseeched.

"Have mercy, Tanith!" Ghastly begged.

The mothers grinned in triumph and high-fived each other while their children looked on, amazed. Their parents had behaved childishly despite their age. They looked at each other and shrugged as if neither of them knew what had just happened.

* * *

Ugh, bad ending! I know!! They're cursed I tell you! And review please!! The 2nd shot is coming up if you review so if you're not reviewing, no updates for you!!! ^ ^


	14. Just to get high

Okay, I know I started with "Family Time Part 1: Plans" and you expect this to be part 2. Unfortunately, this is not part 2! I need to get this idea out of my mind before I continue with part 2 otherwise all is lost and I'd be depressed for days…sad isn't it?

Anyways, this is kinda my first songfic so please go easy on me! Flames don't really help me, they just send me to a corner, cowering… I thought it will be a wonderful opportunity to this! Hope you enjoy it and I will go onto Family Time: Part 2 even though Christmas is over!

Happy Reading  
TheBlueBottle

* * *

Just to get high by Nickelback:

_He was my best friend, I tried to help him,  
But he traded everything, for suffering,  
And found himself alone._

"Skulduggery!" he cried out desperately, grabbing his arm. "You wouldn't stand a chance against him!"

Skulduggery whipped his head towards the scarred man. Fury was plain on his slightly dusted face, hatred clouded his emerald green eyes and rage filled his blood red veins.

"What would you do if he had your wife, Ghastly?" he snarled as he struggled under his best friend's grip. "What if he raped your daughter? What would you do then? Huh? What would you do?"

Ghastly Bespoke sighed and glanced at the battlefield. Many were lying on the floor, lifeless as a corpse. Some still stood bravely, others tried weakly. Mysteriously, some of the mages disappeared during the battle. Chaos was weaving around as the good fought the bad. They were losing and he knew that.

"It may be a trap, you don't know what's lying ahead of you!" Ghastly reasoned. "You may be staring at Death right in the face!"

"Let go of me, Ghastly," Skulduggery growled with closed eyes, "I'm warning you."

Ghastly tried again. "Listen to me-"

Skulduggery snarled wordlessly and pushed air into his chest, blasting him back and into the tree. Groaning in pain and effort, he forced himself to remain awake and get up. He looked up just in time to see the raging man disappear into the woods.

_  
I watched the lying, turn into hiding,  
With scars on both his lips, his fingertips...  
Were melted to the bone._

They watched as the fire blazed in the distance. There were many figures tied up against poles. At least all, but one, was dead to bear the pain. Only one was screaming but for whatever reason, he wasn't struggling like he was…paralyzed…or something…

Ghastly sighed sadly as he felt something squirm inside him. He had warned him but it didn't work. He'd known him for a long time but not enough to see what he was when he let his anger overcome him. Emotions affect thoughts. Thoughts affect actions. It was obvious Skulduggery hadn't learnt to control his emotions.

_But I can still remember what his face looked like,  
When I found him in an alley in the middle of the night.  
Tell me what you know! Tell me what you gone and done now!  
Tell me what you know! Tell me what you gone and done now!_

Ghastly frowned as he heard banging on the door over the pouring rain. He looked at the time. It read: 12:02 am. Surely people are sleeping right now! Even mages needed sleep though the war was still on!

Banging got louder and he hurried to see who was at the door. When the door was opened he couldn't believe his eyes.

There stood in the rain and the howling wind, was a skeleton. Ghastly just stared at the skeleton and the skeleton stared back with its sockets. The rain was seeping through its rib bones and it dripped around its pelvis.

"You know its raining hard out here…" it spoke in an all too familiar velvet voice.

Ghastly frowned again. "…Sk…Skulduggery?"

The skeleton nodded. "'Tis the one and only wonderful me."

_A gun would do the trick, get it over with,  
You're better off...  
To take all you've got and burn it on the spot,  
To get high-igh, igh, igh (high-igh, igh, igh)._

"Can I stay here for a while?"

Ghastly looked up from his work at the blanket covered skeleton. He smiled his scar crooked smile.

"So long you don't scare the customers," he replied jokingly, "otherwise it's the streets for you, pal!"

Skulduggery tilted his head. "But there are dogs out there!" he whined. "In case if you hadn't noticed, I'm all bones!"

Ghastly laughed. At least he still has his good humor.

_  
Three days no sleeping, he gave up eating,  
He sold his mother's rings, she said nothing,  
And pretended not to know..._

It was 03:16 am and there was no sign of tiredness, only signs of him fiddling with the ring that still miraculously sat on his ring finger. Ghastly was getting some strange vibes off Skulduggery. It was angry but silent. Looks like the rage was still with him.

_He started stealing, to supply the feeling,  
Found out he pulled a knife, on someone's wife...  
And held it to her throat._

__

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"None of your business."

"Skul, that does not belong to you and in my house! What do you need it for?!"

"…"

Abruptly, he stood up and pocketed his hands, making a beeline for the door. He walked down the streets and suddenly, police cars approached around the corner. He tilted his head towards them and stopped as they enclosed him. The police got out, hands on their guns.

"Hey you!"

He bowed his head low, obscuring their view to his face.

"Sir, we are going to need you to turn out your pockets."

No reply.

"Sir, if you don't remove your hands, we're going to have to make you."

_Silence…_

A bird cawed in the distance and suddenly, he exposed the pistol, pointing it at the man that spoke. His police companions hurriedly to take theirs out. The armed stranger in a tan overcoat and a white scalp waved his arm widely and dust flew into the air. Shots were fired, curses were yelled and then the dust returned to the floor, clearing the scene.

4 policemen and women lay dead on the floor in pools of blood. Only the white scalped man remained standing with his arm outstretched. He dropped the gun that was held by the hand of the outstretched arm and began to walk away.

_  
Tell me what you know! Tell me what you gone and done now!  
Tell me what you know! Tell me what you gone and done now!  
A gun would do the trick, get it over with,  
You're better off...  
To take all that you've got and burn it on the spot,  
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh (high-igh, igh, igh).  
Tell me what did, where you gone and hid?  
Show me, is what you really want, watching what you've got  
Slowly...!  
Circling the drain, throw it all away,  
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh, igh  
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh, igh  
Circling the drain, throw it all away,  
Just to get high-igh, igh, igh, igh._

* * *

Hehe, I know I cut it short because I got lazy…sorry! Well…how do you think it is? Bad? Good? Maybe I should stick to the drabbles and leave the songfics to people who KNOW how to write them…


	15. Family Time Part 2: The Vacation

I'm back, people! Well, after an extremely long wait…so sorry about that! Homework has held me up so unfortunately I literally had to beg the teachers to cut me some beef…

Anyways! I know that Christmas has long gone but I couldn't leave an unfinished drabble hanging! But I'll change to a normal vacation if you like…or you don't like…I DON'T KNOW BUT just bear with me, please? I'm sorry for holding the 2nd shot and complicating things!!

Happy Reading  
TheBlueBottle

P.S: I have no clue what weather you have on Christmas Day in Dublin but I'll go with our weather…summer… ^ ^

* * *

"C'mon, Skulduggery, you've got to admit it's beautiful!"

"Teh…"

Valkyrie glared at Skulduggery as he strolled past her, inspecting the room. Judging by his actions, he was unimpressed to be on China's boat for Christmas. Valkyrie sighed and ushered Luke, who was fiddling with his PSP, inside the room. The boat rocked gently on the waters.

"Luke," Valkyrie warned as she placed her bag on the bed, taking her coat off. "Off…now…"

Luke scowled and switched his PSP off, slumping on the couch nearby and folded his arms.

Just as he sat down, Mino's head popped around. "Hey, Luke Skywalker," she grinned, "Race you to the arcade room!!"

Luke grinned up as he shot off the couch. "You're on!!"

They both raced through the corridors, laughing and shoving each other, as the engine purred alive. When the pair reached the said arcade room, they knew what exactly they were going to play.

"Mario Cart WII!!!!"

And they bounced in front of the TV, snatching up the wheels.

"Oooh, I'm so going to whip your scarred ass!!" Luke jeered, jerking his wheel.

Mino narrowed her eyes in concentration and smirked. "Bring it on, bonehead!"

"Skul, just at least be happy on Christmas! So what if it's China's ship!"

Valkyrie waltzed up to the skeleton and embraced him, while unraveling his scarf.

Skulduggery sighed as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "It's not that…I'm still recalling the time when I went into the Faceless Ones' portal 15 years ago…"

Valkyrie cringed at the memory. "Well…that did give me a heck of a job finding your head!" she joked.

He chuckled softly as he inhaled her scent in. "I wouldn't know how I'd live if you hadn't saved me…though you had a price to pay."

Valkyrie pulled back a bit. "You mean this?"

She held up a hand which had a ring in her ring finger. Shadows were swirling a bit around her finger and wrapped its way around her hand.

"Stop."

She looked back at Skulduggery. She saw how his jaw was clamped tightly and his gaze was away from hers. She felt a bit hurt.

"Do you know why you still love me, Skulduggery?" she asked softly.

He didn't reply.

A mischief grin emerged on her face. He tilted his head slowly in her direction. If he had eyebrows at the moment, one would've raised suspiciously as he saw a glint in her dark chocolate eyes.

"Because I can still do this!!" and she swiftly displaced air into Skulduggery, sending him flying through the air with a yelp and into the bathroom with a thud, out of sight.

Valkyrie stared hosing herself, doubling over with laughter.

She felt the air shift and stopped laughing, still panting, and prepared herself for some revenge. Whatever it was, it didn't come instantly. A sudden breeze played with her hair as she eyed the bathroom, looking for any sign of a raged skeleton.

Valkyrie thought she felt someone poke her and spun around, facing the bed side of the room. Suddenly, the breath rushed out of her as something collided into her and wrapped his arm tightly around her waist.

She fell onto the bed with a shriek of surprise.

Valkyrie laughed under his weight. "Skulduggery, get off me!!"

Skulduggery bought his mouth near her ear and growled playfully. "Or what, Mrs Pleasant? You going to bite me?"

Valkyrie pouted and shuffled around to face him. He chuckled at the sight of her cute face and gave her a peck.

Well…it WAS supposed to be a peck.

But it turned out longer and more passionate. Moans escaped from Valkyrie as she felt Skulduggery's unseen but felt lips travel down her neck and down to her-

* * *

**STOP!!!**

………**author here……sorry about the interruption but I rate that let's leave the lovers to their business and see what the other couple is doing…sorry…but I ain't gonna interfere with the love birds!!**

* * *

Ghastly breathed in the sea salt air as he felt the sea spray onto his face. The wind breezed through his face and he closed his eyes. It was a wonderful to take a vacation. "Hey, you," a voice called out behind him.

He smiled but still kept his eyes closed. "Just the person I want to be with right now."

Tanith smiled as she made her way towards him and hooked on his arm. She glanced at the sunset and stared dreamily at it. "It's beautiful…" she whispered as she placed her head on his shoulder.

Ghastly opened his eyes. The scene in front of him was defiantly enchanted. The sun was cut halfway by the ocean, sending an orange haze through the sky. The waters reflected the haze and it looked like they were sailing on orange juice. He glanced at Tanith.

Her eyes shone in the setting sun's light and the beautiful, dreamy smile on her lips was the perfect picture of his life. He could just stare at her forever and ever.

"You're the beautiful one here," he pointed out.

Tanith jolted out of her daydream and looked up at Ghastly as his crooked scarred smile stretched. She gazed into his dark eyes before she closed her eyes.

Ghastly leaned forward, staring at those perfect lips.

Suddenly, as if on cue, there was a strong blast of wind and they immediately shot up, searching for the violator.

"Where's Skulduggery?!"

They stared at the woman that had suddenly appeared on the deck, shadows swirling and fading.

She had dark, highlighted hair that stopped above her shoulders on the front and exposed her neck on the back. Her eyes were ice blue and she was wearing a tank top and camo hiking jeans with black and white sneakers.

The shadows flowed back into her wrists and smothered on her forearms, creating black, shadowy arm bands.

"Neera?" Ghastly and Tanith asked in unison, surprised.

Neera rolled her eyes. "Who dya expect? Fletcher?"

Tanith shrugged and grinned. "Possibly…but I expect he's too busy fussing over Rina."

Neera Pryditor shot her a smile. "True but right now, I need Skulduggery!!"

She jetted down into the inner level of the boat and stormed through the corridor, whipping her head towards every door she passed.

At one door: "You need more salt." (Kitchen)

At another: "Hey, kiddos!" (Arcade room with Mino and Luke playing Guitar Hero 3)

And for most of them: "Empty, empty, HOLY CRAP SORRY!! (Bathroom that was occupied) Empty, empty…"

And finally, she reached a room with the door, shut fast. Moans, grunts, and giggles flowed out.

Neera stared at the door, eyes wide. Just then, Tanith and Ghastly jogged up to her and immediately went into the same shock.

Tanith breathed out sharply and kicked the door open.

"ZOH MY GAWD!!!" they heard Skulduggery cry out and a thud on the other side of the bed.

Valkyrie squealed and grabbed the blankets, covering herself and bolted into the bathroom, slamming the door.

-SHOCKED SILENCE WITH NO SIGN OF MOVEMENT-

"Uh…heh heh…" Neera began, reaching out for the door handle, "I'll come back later."

And she quietly closed the door.


	16. AN with the idea stolen

**Alright, people!! This is, unfortunately only A/N BUT…it's not those boring ones!**

**Okay......this is originally NightVampyre's idea but I thought why can't I do it?! Uhm…no…I didn't ask for permission and yes, I stole it…but that's because it was such a good idea and that I had to grasp it!! (Hey, NightVampyre, if you are reading this…I apologize deeply!!)**

**Idea: The next…hmm…let's say 10 chapters…more or less...depending on how it goes or I won't get suspended.... you get to have your OCs posted in this set of drabbles!!**

**3 requirements: Personal information (as in taken name, power, age, whatever! But I need the taken name and power), position you want to be in (as in situation, drabble, etc…) and last: your happy smile when YOUR drabble gets posted!! =3**

**Thanks a lot, people, for supporting me and sorry, NightVampyre, for stealing your idea without permission!! Forgive me? *puppy teary eyes***

**Happy OCs, reviewing and reading!!  
TheBlueBottle**


	17. Lythia Harpen and vampire problems

Alrighty…this is Lythia Harpen's drabble and no one would be able to steal it…enjoy!!

Happy Reading!  
TheBlueBottle

* * *

Nothing was out of place today. All the usual business. People roamed the pathways on the side of the streets. They were all in a hurry and were too occupied in their close-minded brains. The roads were streaming with cars, hooting and screeching at each other. Like I said…nothing out of ordinary.

But that was to the eyes of the mortals, the ones who lived an ordinary life till they die. It wasn't a pleasant sight to _some_ people.

Somewhere a bit away from the busy crowd, there was a scream that no one heard. It came from an alley that blocked the light from entering.

"C'mon, girly, it won't hurt one bit."

Dusk growled with smirk on his face as the girl cowered in the corner, desperate to get away.

"Stay…-st-…sta-stay away from me!!" she cried frantically, tears pouring down her face.

Dusk chuckled as he rolled his neck. "Don't think that's possible."

And he lunged.

The girl screamed and squeezed her eyes shut, bracing for the pain that this crazy weirdo was going to do with his shark like fangs.

But it never came.

All she heard was a grunt and a thud. She slowly opened up one eye and then the other as she saw the scene.

There was a silver-haired woman sitting on him, eating toast. Dusk groaned and squirmed but the stranger bounced on him once and he wheezed under her weight.

"Hey, stop," she scowled while chewing on the toast, "I'm eating here."

Dusk snapped his eyes open and snarled, heaving her up before sending her flying off his back.

But she just flipped gracefully and landed on her feet, with her dark green, soft leather coat flowing as if a non-existent wind breezed at them. She was finishing the last of her toast.

Dusk narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth. "Miss Harpen..."

Lythia Harpen flashed him a smile. "Hello to you too!" she replied cheerily.

The vampire snapped at her and charged. Lythia pouted but immediately moved. Dusk leapt onto the wall he was going to charge into and bounced off, before landing on the ground.

Lythia shook her head in sorrow. "You've been a bad boy, Dusky," she scolded.

Dusk snarled for being cheated out of its prey and pounced again but instead of moving, Lythia got out a knife and sliced the air, stabbing Dusk in the arm. He howled with pain and landed painfully.

The cowering girl had been watching with fright but she quickly got to her feet, only to be stabbed with a syringe that made her leg go numb.

Lythia looked at her with apology. "Sorry, but I have to do this," she said calmly while Dusk smacked into the wall. She swiftly booted the girl's head, knocking her out.

Dusk wiped the blood off his mouth and grinned unpleasantly. "Scared they'd find out?"

Lythia glared at him silently. In a flash, she grabbed his ear and hurled him out into the open.

Dusk yelped unnaturally high and stumbled onto the pavement, pushing a few people.

Out of the dark alley he had fallen out of, a brown haired teenage girl with braces stepped out, holding something behind her.

"You trying to expose me, Harpen?!"

Lythia nodded. "Not only that…" she bought out a jar of glitter, "but also this!"

Little bits of glitter showered over Dusk as Lythia grinned, shaking the jar over him. A few pedestrians were staring at them.

Dusk looked around him and laughed. "Glitter!! Is that all you can think of?!"

Lythia let him laugh. When he had finished, she whistled loudly.

"Hey, girls!!" she cried out. "It's Edward Cullen!!"

There were numbers of squeals and screams before the ground rumbled with footsteps.

An angry mob of girls were heading their way.

Lythia looked from the stampede arriving to Dusk and grinned, her green eyes flashing with mischief and glory.

"Enjoy!"

* * *

"How did you meet Neera, Skul? I thought you hated Necromancers."

23 year-old Valkyrie Cain burned with curiosity. She and Skulduggery Pleasant were in Gordon's estate, having a chat with Neera Pryditor who just popped by to say hello before she headed off to another country.

Neera's eyebrow rose at the last bit. Skulduggery made a noise of clearing his throat but before he could continue, there was a sound of the front door opening and closing.

They all stared in the direction of the sound and Lythia emerged holding a leash that was joined to something that was obscured by the wall she had emerged from.

Lythia was in her mage form and her black eyes glistened. "Hi, guys!"

She gave a hard yank with the leash and a figure stumbled forward and sprawled onto the floor.

Valkyrie's eyes bulged out of her eyes while Neera stifled a laugh. Skulduggery tilted his head.

"Dusk?!" Valkyrie asked with disbelief.

Neera couldn't hold anymore and burst out with laughter. Her tea crashed to the floor and in a matter of seconds, she was in stitches.

Dusk was all worn out and his clothes were ripped. It looked like he had been attacked by a super tiger.

He snarled at the laughing Necromancer and spat at Valkyrie. Skulduggery looked as if he was smirking his hidden skeleton smirk. Dusk seemed to notice the smirk and pounced without a word.

Lythia jerked the leash and instead of landing on the skeleton, Dusk was sent into the glass door nearby.

Lythia looked at the wheezing vampire.

"Behave or I'll dress you up in a tutu and make you dance like a monkey."

* * *

There! Hope you like it, Lythia!! I apologize for any mistakes! Was too lazy to check!! I'll get to the other OC drabbles once I get the homework and projects out of the way!! -sigh-


	18. Wedding crashes with Delphian Bleak

Here we go! This is Delphian Bleak's drabble I made! Hope you ALL enjoy it and I need more requests or else you guys will miss the opportunity!! XD

Happy Reading!  
TheBlueBottle

* * *

Tanith bit her lip like she always did when she was deep in thought or unsure about something. In this case, she was unsure about the position she was in. She gazed outside the window from Gordon's study and sighed shakily.

"Tanith?"

She looked around and saw Valkyrie's head peeping around the door. Valkyrie grinned and entered the room, exposing the rest of her body. She was wearing an astonishing, orange-red dress that sparkled in the light. The straps were also orange and fitted snugly around her shoulders. The dress went up to her knees and she was wearing orange heels finish off the outfit.

Tanith grinned back. "Wow, Val, you look amazing!"

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah," she scoffed, "_you_ are the picture for today and many years to come!"

She gestured to what Tanith was wearing. It was a black silk dress and flowed all the way down and onto the floor, covering her feet. The dress spread behind her, across floor as if it was part of it. Tanith's hair was tamed and twirled up into a complicated bun and there was a golden clasp with pure black gems that sparkled and glimmered.

"Everyone is going to be swept off their feet! If Ghastly doesn't do it to you first..." Valkyrie squealed.

Before anyone can say any more, the door was burst open again and this time 2 girls and 1 guy entered the room.

"What the heck is taking so long?!"

There was a girl who looked around the age of 16 and had blood red eyes. Her dark brown hair was just below her shoulders. She was wearing a strapless black dress that smothered into grey as it got near her knees with black heels. The unusual part of the outfit was that she was also wearing a black bead choker.

Delphian Bleak scowled and stormed up to the stunned Tanith. Fletcher, in his dashing white and black tux, rolled his eyes and grabbed Delphian before she could actually bite the bride.

Neera laughed and shook her head in pity. She was wearing a light, pearl blue dress with white heels. Her brown, red highlighted hair was still the same hairstyle she always given it except it was a bit spiked up at the back. She had her usual Necromancer arm bands that covered her whole forearms.

"Fletcher, be careful...she may set that tux on fire," she giggled.

Fletcher immediately released Delphian and backed away. "This was my dad's, okay?!" he warned.

Delphian stuck out her tongue at him and dashed out the room. "I'm going for the cake!!"

Neera's eyes widened and she bolted after the fleeting mad girl, despite the fact she was wearing a dress, shouting threats and warnings at her.

Delphian grinned evilly as she pulled herself over the wooden banister from top of the stairs and landed on the floor with skills with the heels (**a/n OMG! It rhymes!!**). She looked up and saw Neera glaring at her from the top.

Neera hurled herself onto the banister and whipped her arms towards the chandelier. Shadows lashed out towards where she was pointing them at and clung onto the chandelier. She jumped and swung.

Suddenly, Neera yelped as the shadows grew feeble and slipped, sending her flying out the house and into the wedding party.

Delphian spluttered with laughter as she exited the house and into the party where a heck load of people were chatting and dancing.

"You should ask Wreath to train you! Training yourself isn't easy!"

There was a rustle in the nearby tree and a figure dropped out of it. Neera scowled as she spat out a leaf, sitting on the grass. A few people glanced their way and shook their heads.

"I'm a bloody dress, Bleak!"

Delphian raised an eyebrow. "What are you on last-name basis now?"

Neera growled and was about to pounce but Skulduggery and Ghastly stepped in.

"This is extremely unlady-like," Skulduggery scolded, folding his arms, "You should know better."

Ghastly helped Neera up while Delphian stepped up to Skulduggery, who was pretty tall so she had to tilt her head up a bit.

"You're gay," she said immediately and snatched off his hat, prancing away.

Skulduggery whipped around, alarmed. "HEY!!!"

Delphian, a few good distances away, waved the hat. Skulduggery became the bull and the hat became the red cape and he charged after her, pouring his threats and anger out.

Delphian ran extremely well, meaning the speed and the fact she was wearing heels and a dress. She threw a few fireballs at him while giggling uncontrollably.

Finally, she steered away from the crowd who were staring at her and Skulduggery and headed outside. It seemed like Skulduggery would never give up about the hat.

She reached the bridge and dangled the hat over it. "Skulduggery..." she said in sweet voice, panting a bit.

Skulduggery screeched to a halt. There was a bit of a Texan moment (**a/n If you get what I mean...you know when a cowboy stands on one side of the town and another cowboy stands on the opposite side...and the sort of guitar sound?**).

"Hand it over."

"Fetch."

"Noooooooo!!!"

Delphian threw the hat in the air and Skulduggery leaped.

* * *

"Where were you?" Neera hissed as a puffed out Delphian Bleak took a seat next to her. The wedding had already started and Tanith and Ghastly were holding each others' hands, gazing at each other on the platform while Professor Kenspeckle Grouse read out something from a book that was on a pedestal.

"Running."

"Where's Skul?"

"Dunno, now ssh!"

Neera raised an eyebrow but decided to leave the situation. Kenspeckle was still saying a few things that were so boring that Delphian thought it was a lawn mower.

After a while, she couldn't take it anymore and sprang out of her seat.

Everyone paused and stared at her while she mumbled unintelligently, stepping onto the platform.

Without a word, she shoved Kenspeckle aside. A few people shouted with alarm while others whispered among themselves. Delphian cleared her throat.

"Alright! Let's get the party started!!!"

She flipped through the book in mere seconds before she slammed the book closed with disgust and threw it behind her.

"Screw this!!" she shouted. "We'll do it my way!!"

Tanith and Ghastly stared at her as if she were a monkey in a tutu speaking gibberish and sign language (**a/n I know you can't SPEAK sign language but that's what makes it funny XD**).

"Ghastly Sameul Jack Frost Michael Jordan Bespoke, do you take this crazed-ass-woman-who-loves-gutting-people-and cutting-off-trolls-head as your wife?"

"Uuuh...-"

Delphian waved it off. "Yes, whatever, it's a yes. Tanith Paris Hilton Merry Poppins Shlubbaglush Low, do you take this scarred-ass-man-who-loves-making-clothes-and-may-be-proven-gay as your husband?"

"That's not-"

"Yes whatever. You may kiss the bride blah blah, give her the goddamn ring, yadda, yadda, yadda...."

Delphian trailed off as she lazily stepped off the platform, heading for the drinks. Instead of pouring the wine that was on the table, she took out a bottle that was hidden under the table which was marked BLOOD. After pouring it into a wine glass, she downed it all while everyone still watched in silence.

"I'm out, peeps!

And she stumbled towards the entrance but at the sight of the figure that slouched towards her, she screamed and ran back into the house, slamming the door. You could hear her frantically locking the door.

By the entrance...was a dripping wet Skulduggery, holding onto his hat. It doesn't take the pill to make him human to know that his eyes were wild and glaring.

"If looks could kill," Neera spoke into the silence, "the world must've blown up already."

* * *

Fin!!! How's that, Delphian? Hopes you likes!! Next request: Amara Calla!! C'mon people!! Gimme some lurve and review!! I'll also need the requests or else I'll be moving on, neh?


	19. Amara Calla and the night of chaos

Yesh! Finally! It's the holidays! Wow, I'm really sorry for the lack of updates...and reviewing for the updates you guys have been doing! Really...I'm sorry!! The teachers are trying to kill us...painfully...blame them...

Happy Reading  
TheBlueBottle

* * *

"Hey...can I ask you a question?"

"Hmmm....? Oh sure, go ahead."

"Uhm..."

"Yes..."

Before Valkyrie could continue, there was a scream. Immediately, Skulduggery was out of his seat in the Bentley, gun in his hands. Valkyrie bolted out of the car. She followed Skulduggery to where the screaming was coming from. A small girl ran towards them with a figure trudging behind her.

"RUUUNNN!!!! RUUNNNNN!!!!" she screamed, tripping over the pavements.

Valkyrie clicked on some flames, while Skulduggery aimed the revolver at the culprit.

It was a mummy. A real live mummy. It was bandaged badly and the ends were flying about. Valkyrie screwed her face up with disgust and shock. What the hell is the mummy doing all the way here in England?!

She felt Skulduggery stiffen beside her.

Suddenly, before the skeleton could pull the trigger, someone dropped from the rooftops, on top of the stumbling creature.

It yelped and its breath was heard to be pushed out of it.

The girl gasped and panted, looking back with surprise. There was laughing and cackling to be heard in the distance. It became louder and a group of teenage girls emerged, hosing themselves.

Valkyrie's mouth stood agape. "Neera?! Delphian?! Freedom?! Yvette?! Mademise?! Lythia-"

"Flaring, Crystal, Mercyful, Amithest, Arabella and the rest, yes." The teenage figure sitting on the withering mummy, who was actually protesting something.

Skulduggery lowered his gun and placed it in his pocket. "I believe we don't know you..."

The girl stood up with the others still weeping with laughter behind them. It looked like a girl circus had pulled up.

"Yesh, mister Pleasant, I am Amara Calla and I'm-"

"-in love with you!!!"

Valkyrie frowned. That voice seemed awfully familiar.

Amara turned sharply to glare at the mummy who hoisted himself up. The mummy cackled but suddenly it stopped by the mental laser beams Amara was sending it.

Without a warning, Amara struck her hand against its head. She had gone beetroot red.

"Shuddup, Fletcher, I don't think mummifying you did the job!!"

Valkyrie had to smile her smug smile. She could also feel the smugness radiating off the skeleton while she leaned slightly against him.

"Hey, Amara!" Freedom called out.

Flaring waved wildly. "We're heading for the pub to kick up some Smirnoff, babes!!!"

"But I don't drink!"

"Shut up, Neera!"

"Oh is it now, Delphian? Huh? You wanna take this on the grass?!"

"Bring it on, sucke-"

"Hey, guys, relax those hormones!"

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" Two voices shouted out in unison.

They heard Yvette mutter evilly as she left the group and straight into the nearest pub. Lythia cried out something about corn while she broke up the fighting pair while Arabella and Amithest were discussing about something in hushed tones. (A/N: Attacking Snoopy? I don't know...ask her yourself!! XD)

The group started getting rowdy, making their way to the pub and Amara looked at them before slapping the trying-to-rip-off-the-bandages-Fletcher and running off.

She halted and turned slowly, grinning evilly. Suddenly, her fingers clicked and a fireball was hurling their way. Skulduggery pushed Valkyrie out of its range and it swerved into the still-bandaged Fletcher, setting him alight.

He screamed and ran around in circles, flailing wildly.

Skulduggery watched Amara shaking with fits of giggles before disappearing. He turned his head to look at Valkyrie. She was staring deep into his sockets, as if trying to see the back of his skull.

"I can almost see you eyes..." she said suddenly. She caught herself and went blood red, shooting onto her feet.

Skulduggery smirked inwardly before picking himself up.

They watched Fletcher flail around for a bit before Valkyrie looked up at the skeleton.

"Do we think we should help him?"

"The beach is nearby."

"I'll take that as a no."

After a few more watching.

"Should we go home?"

"I think we should."

And they headed towards the Bentley, with Skulduggery tickling the squealing Valkyrie.

The night was filled with joy, love, drinking, disgust, and yesh...a mad man running on the pier, towards the oceans. (Well...I wouldn't say "man"....)

In the distance of the town, some wild slurring-singing was heard and some random sentences about: Corn, cucumbers and gasoline, lava lamps, sheep, skeletons, pencils, skies, murdering Edward Cullen, etc...

"I WANNA BE AN ASTRAUNAUT!!!!"

* * *

The girl that was unconciously chased by Fletcher stood there, clueless. She didn't know what to do but just listen to the slurred-songs, threats and insults.

_I pity crazy people..._

* * *

Well, I pity normal people!!!!!! It's not every day you see crazy people!! Normal people scare me....*shudders*

Hehe...how is that for random?! Oh and the people who I never put in there, you are in there!! But...I just got lazy....and placed the names I remembered....but your souls are remembered even your name is not in there.... ;)

Love you all!!


	20. The night of the Living Vegetables

Another update! Celebrate! Hehe! Not much to say besides I've decided to combine two requests given to me into one! Hope you people don't mind...

Happy Reading!  
TheBlueBottle

* * *

**The Night of the Living Vegetables with Amithest Moss and MercyFul Fear.**

Nothing came up again. What are the bad guys up to? If they are taking a break....that's abnormal...

The team was lounging everywhere not knowing what on earth they were to do when no one wants to murder or take over the world. Ghastly had decided to return to his shop to create some more suits and Tanith, obviously, follows him to keep him company and "give the other two some privacy."

Skulduggery had said he needed to see China for some business to take care of, much to Valkyrie's dismay. She had been looking forward to some time alone with him because she needed to confess her crush.

Having nothing to do, Valkyrie begrudgingly and regretfully called up a group of her crazy-assed, magic-world "friends". Well...they just appeared out of nowhere and never left.

4 out of...a lot...arrived 5 hours late and Valkyrie was suspicious. They arrived at the same time. And for those 5 hours, all she did was eat some pancakes smothered in chocolate and lemon.

But what nerved her was that, they were all exhausted and the lack of sleep showed in their eyes. Now _that_ was what she called: "Abnormal."

"Hi Val," the golden hair-streaked Amithest Moss gave a sleepy smile and immediately collapsed in front of the door and started snoring, muttering about mutant fairy cakes.

Neera Pryditor glanced at her and then at Delphian Bleak who accompanied them. They both sighed in unison and took hold of her arms, dragging her in. Valkyrie stepped aside and raised an eyebrow. After they managed to throw (**yes, literally XD**) on a couch, they both collapsed into another couch themselves.

MercyFul Fear came slouching in, with a pleased smile on her face and her hands in her pockets, fiddling with something. She looked smug about something but said nothing as she went into the kitchen.

Valkyrie frowned and pursed her lips. She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted but a dismissive wave that Delphian gave her.

"Don't ask..." she breathed. "I wouldn't dream of telling you!"

Valkyrie's frown deepened. "Tell me what?"

Neera butted in with her eyes closed and her head resting on top of the couch.

"Nuffink of ye bus wax!"

"Uh...what?"

"She says: Nuffink of ye bus wax," Delphian translated unhelpfully.

Valkyrie kept an inward smirk as she took a seat on an armchair, knowing how to pry information out of people. "We're all friends, aren't we?"

"Teh..." Amithest muttered, half asleep. "You shut your trap, Pryditor, we ain't getting into more trouble!"

Neera shrank back in her seat and looked at the floor guiltily. She was known to blow their covers in many situations.

Delphian rolled her eyes while Valkyrie looked thoughtful.

"Trouble for what?"

"Would you stop asking questions?!" Delphian erupted suddenly. "It's our experiments on making mutant vegetables!!"

She immediately slapped a hand over her mouth. "Oops..." she muffled out.

Neera frowned and pouted, folding her arms while Amithest sprang up into a sitting position, clenching her teeth and glaring. "Del, you idiot!"

"Yeah, and you say I blurt out bloody things..." Neera reproachfully said.

Valkyrie sagged. "WHAT?!"

Delphian attempted to grin but failed by biting her lower lip and looking anxious. Neera groaned and grabbed her arm, pulling her towards the door.

"Now my lava lamp should be in your face right now!"

"It's not glitter!"

"It's actual lava!"

"It is?"

"No."

Their voices faded away as they went further down the street and around the corner. Valkyrie turned her head stiffly towards Amithest, who gave a sheepish grin and shrugged. Suddenly, a maniacal laugh exploded from the kitchen.

The two leapt up from the lounge and bolted into the kitchen, where they found MercyFul grinning like a mad man, staring into the fridge, twirling an injection. Rustling and chatting came from inside the fridge.

Slowly, Valkyrie and Amithest turned their heads towards the opening of the fridge.

Amithest's face lit up and she grinned. "It worked!"

"WHAT THE F****?!" Valkyrie screeched.

Inside the fridge, were vegetables bustling and hustling about, talking, laughing, etc...

In short, they were ALIVE.

They had limbs and faces, just like human beings but in vegetable form.

A carrot with a leafy stem turned to them and grinned, wagging his eyebrows. "Hellooo ladies!"

It spoke in a Texan accent.

MercyFul leaned towards Amithest and whispered. "That's Fletcher Sanguine Carrot."

Valkyrie immediately screamed and slammed the back door open, fleeing from the scene.

"Well, someone needs to chillax," the Carrot remarked, raising an eyebrow, before turning back to the two. "I am Gerald, a.k.a The Handsomest Carrot in the fridge." To add in some effect, he ran a hand through his "hair/leaf."

Amithest nodded and whispered back to MercyFul. "Definitely."

Suddenly, they heard the door blast open and saw the door went flying across the room. Neera and Delphian came tripping into the kitchen, giving the little veggies a fright.

"Vegetables! Alive!" Delphian panted.

MercyFul and Amithest frowned. "Of course, that's what we were aiming for," MercyFul injected a cabbage.

"B-b-but-"Neera started.

"No buts! I wanna go see my flying Fairy cakes!" Amithest skipped out of the kitchen, closely followed by MercyFul smiling evilly.

Neera and Delphian looked at each other in confusion and panic.

"But they bite!"

And they hurried to join the expedition.

**To be continued...**

* * *

Dum dum dummm...Yesh, this is little bit of Stewart the Live pencil, but I was just inspired...shall we say it... I hope MercyFul doesn't mind it because she _is_ known for spicing up inanimate things out of their inanimateness! But that's why we all love her! And Amithest...flying Fairy Cakes...they do bite...you created them...so be careful....watch the teeth!!!! How do we know? Because you review and I update! XD

Larry the Flying Lava Lamp: Yes, yes, review...

Neera: *Strangles Larry* Don't listen to this little fagwosh! But yeash, review! ^.^ Cupcake?


	21. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEL

Surprise, Delphian! Hehe! Happy birthday! I hope you day goes well and that you go nuts! Be sure to make most of it because this day only comes once a year! ;) Wishing you the craziest day ever!

Happy Birthday and reading!  
TheBlueBottle

* * *

"Checkmate."

"...curse you..."

"Cursing is terrible, don't do it..."

Tanith glared at the skeleton before staring at the checked board with chess pieces, scattered. She was thinking hard despite the fact she badly wanted to run and scream like a manic.

"Aha...uncheckmate!" She moved her Bishop to eat the rookie.

Skulduggery smirked inwardly and moved his Queen. "Checkmate...again!"

Tanith screamed with frustration and swatted her king down. "I give up! I cannot play this!"

And she grabbed her sword and ran out of Ghastly's shop.

Ghastly looked up from feeding his pet dog, Scar the German shepherd. "Did you win again?"

Skulduggery nodded smugly. "Well, to tell you the truth, she gave in."

"You ought to give her a chance," chuckled Ghastly, straightening up.

The skeleton stood up and reached for his coat. "Protective now, are you?"

"As you are over Valkyrie."

Skulduggery halted from wrapping his scarf around himself.

Ghastly gave him a smirk. "You haven't told her yet?"

He riffled through a bunch of plans for suits and clothes. "I told Tanith about my feelings," he said, without looking up. "She responded quite...nicely...though roughly..."

Skulduggery sighed. It has been a few weeks now before he realised his feelings for Valkyrie Cain, the girl he had met 4 years ago. It would make him an insane man but he couldn't control no matter what he thought about to make him stop the feelings.

"I have to go to her house to see if they haven't broken it down."

And he left.

Ghastly looked up, surprised. He then looked down at Scar, who panted his doggy grin. "Crazy times, eh boy?"

Scar raised a doggy eyebrow. "Crazier things have yet to happened," he replied reasonably.

* * *

"Ugh!! No, I don't want to make that!! I want it like this!!!"

"No- No, don't touch that!!!"

"Girls, what in the world of misery are you doing?

"I'm not a girl!!" Fletcher cried out from batting eggs.

"Mff mffaffing."

Valkyrie glanced at Skulduggery as he took off his disguise, placing them on the counter. "We're setting up a party."

He cocked his head. "Again?"

Neera stabbed the bowl with flour and water, grinding her teeth. "Yip...what's wrong with parties? Besides, today is one of them special ones!"

Amithest popped her head in from the back door. "The mutant veggies and fairy cakes are wanting to come to the party...can they come? Oh pleeease!"

"Donf fe fo mmff!!"

Everybody glanced at the jean-butt sticking out of the bottom cupboard. Lythia rolled her eyes.

"Whhhhaaaat?!" she screamed.

"Huff faf donf fe fo mmf!!"

Valkyrie jumped and dropped the bag of flour she had been holding. "DON'T TELL ME YOU ARE EATING THE SWEETS!!!!"

Freedom popped her head out and her mouth was full and there were icing about her lips.

"No huff noff!!" she exclaimed.

"Yesh, you are!!!" MercyFul accused as she timed the oven. She was having trouble with it because she was plotting to inject the formula into it to make it mutant.

Skulduggery just stood there as if scared and confused. The house was just filled with madness. The night was a special night as it has been on various dates.

People were all bustling here and there. From the distance, they heard a scream in the garden and a crash with some swearing and frantic talking in other languages.

The house was decorated with glitter and colours. There was huge shiny red and blue sign that hung beneath an arch that read: Happy Birthday, Del!

"For the love of the leaf, HURRY UP!!" Neera screeched at the oven where the cake was not functioning.

Valkyrie went to inspect the house with Skulduggery trailing behind her, still confused.

"Alright, people!" Mademise ordered, emerging from the garden. "The place is settled, now we need to clean up and get dressed!"

Flaring scowled as she entered the house, with Crystal laughing and snorting behind her. Seemed like they managed to break down the stereo.

The girls grinned and they left the house to get ready for the big event. MercyFul left the house, grinning evilly, stowing something inside her pocket. The only ones that stayed were Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Fletcher, Neera and Amithest who looked nervous and kept glancing at the oven.

Skulduggery looked around and nodded his head. "You guys did a great job."

Neera grinned. "It'll be the best."

Fletcher looked sceptically at her, resulting a shove on the head.

Amithest suddenly whimpered and ran up the stairs, into Valkyrie's room. Neera frowned and followed her warily and slowly.

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery and smiled. "It's Delphian's birthday today, you and the rest are invited."

He looked back. "Thanks, Valkyrie...I might as well come along since I have nothing to do and maybe to protect the house."

She could hear a smirk in his voice.

"Har har, Pleasant," she rolled her eyes and punched his shoulder playfully. "I think I can take care of my house myself."

Fletcher glanced at both at them before announcing that he needed to go see someone and will be back soon before teleporting away.

Valkyrie started for the stairs. "Go read something, it's starting in 1 hour."

"Where are you going?"

"To get dressed..."

"Can't I come with?" Skulduggery tilted his head with a smirk in his voice.

Valkyrie looked back with an astonished expression. "Don't be gross!"

And she ran all the way up the stairs before hearing him chuckle.

* * *

"She's around the corner!"

"Hey, Freedom, turn the lights off!"

"Shut up, guys!"

* * *

Delphian Bleak walked through the forest with Neera snickering about something that probably was funny in her head.

She was extremely miffed because she had realised that all her friends had gotten together for the day without inviting her. She was even more miffed because Neera had forced her into a dress for a "dress up night," so she said, and finally only asked her to come to Valkyrie's house at night.

Neera was in her best dark sea blue, strapped dress with matching pumps. Her black pendant that was wrapped up by a silver dragon hung on her slightly exposed neck. Her necromancy bands had been transferred into the necklace.

Delphian, herself, had been forced to wear her midnight, black strapless dress with her necromancy bead choker. Her usual ankle boots were replaced with matching black heels that criss-crossed around her ankles.

"Why are we dressed up like this?!" She demanded, slightly tripping over a rock.

Neera smiled at her but said nothing and returned to messing around with her bloodstone spheres while still walking.

Delphian sighed in annoyance and decided to not push the subject any further. They came to the gate of Gordon's house and the gates opened automatically. Inside of the house was pitch black except for the lamps that stood outside of it.

"There's no one inside the house, they've all gone out," Del frowned.

Neera snickered and tried to cover it up with a cough. "They're watching a movie."

"There's no sound!"

"Earphones?"

Delphian sceptically looked at Neera who shrugged and dragged her up the stairs. She then knocked on the door and let herself in immediately. The confused Delphian Bleak followed into the darkness.

Suddenly, blinding lights and deafening cheers and shouts exploded in her face. Beside her, Neera laughed and hugged her tightly.

"Happy Birthday, Del!" she shouted into her ear.

Delphian felt her breath rush out as her sight gradually came to a focus. The scene was amazing! Music started playing and everyone was rushing towards her, shouting, hugging, back-slapping, etc...

Everyone was there. Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Tanith, Ghastly, Scar the German Shepard, Fletcher, Professor Kenspeckle, Freedom, Crystal, Flaring, MercyFul, Mademise, Lythia, Amara, Amithest..._everyone_ of her friends. Even Mr. Bliss and his woeful sister, China was there.

Somehow, the mutant vegetables and fairy cakes they created the day before were also presented.

She was going to cry with happiness. The table in front of her were filled with presents and food but what caught her attention was the cake. It was topped with a heck load of icing, chocolate and sweets.

But what more, it was alive. It blinked at her and tried to smile though it was a sharp toothed smile.

MercyFul grinned when it caught her eye.

The party had started.

Tanith and Ghastly had snuck out to Ghastly's shop (though Lythia had shouted out at them but took a swig of vodka and slammed into a lamp). Flaring had managed to kill another speaker though the others survived. Neera was swinging on the chandelier, singing "Hoist the colours" in a different tune with a bottle of rum in her hand. Valkyrie and Skulduggery...disappeared...no one knew where.

Amithest, Freedom, Fletcher and Crystal was playing poker under a single light bulb, smoking cigars and talking in an Italian accent. MercyFul had gone mad and was now injecting candle wicks with her evil chemistry.

Delphian was enjoying her night, making most of it. She even smashed a few shots and was now screaming/slurring her lungs out at Neera about not being in love with Skulduggery. Her make-up was smudged from laughing so hard at a joke that was not funny at all and her dress was slightly ripped from climbing the tree.

The house has gone mad though people like China, Mr. Bliss and Kenspeckle, who preferred a quieter atmosphere had left.

* * *

Somewhere on the streets, the mayhem was heard quite clearly. A group of guys walked out of a pharmacy. They glanced in the direction of Gordon's house.

"Party animals..." one of them muttered.

Immediately after he muttered that, a loud fuzzy voice yelled from the intercom. (Don't know how that got there.)

"HAPPY FORKING BLIMMIN' HELLING BIRTHDAY, DELPHIAN BLEACH....I MEAN BLEAK!!"

* * *

Hehe! Happy Birthday again, Del! XD

Revieweeewww!!! TO ALL!!


	22. I failed

...okay...don't hit me please! I've had writer's block for many seasons now! DX It was not amusing... My artists' mind overflowed and on my writer's...it died and a cactus grew...and then the owls came...and the sand came...anyways, you get the point! I am really sorry for not reviewing the stories that you've all updated! ...not sure what excuse I could do for that... But SO SORRY AGAIN!

Happy Reading!  
TheBlueBottle

P.S: **BEWARE OF GORE, VIOLENCE AND SICK-ACTIONS! Don't say I didn't warn you...make sure you have a strong stomach to read this...I wrote this and didn't have a sick stomach...**

**IT IS M RATED!**

* * *

"Nothing is wrong, girl, now get to your room!"

"Mother..."

"I SAID GO!"

Fiona Pleasant looked at her with worried, confused green eyes. She didn't like it when her mother got angry with her.

More silence crept...

"Mother...do you need help?" she asked, prodding a bit.

Ivy Windcast stood there, glaring at the front door as if someone was going to burst into the house. Maybe she thought it was the Diablerie, Fiona pondered. The Diablerie were bad people. Her father told her not to talk to them and run away if she saw them.

"We will win the war..." Ivy whispered, shaking her head hopelessly, her black hair swinging almost in a miserable manner. "We will win and then...everything will be back to normal..."

Fiona frowned and bit her lip, casting her eyes downwards. "Daddy says we could always phone Ghastly."

Ivy snapped her head towards her. "I thought I told you to get to your room..."

Just as the words filled the air, something massive collided against the apartment and the floor shook slightly while dust showered onto them.

Ivy's eyes widened and she cursed.

Fiona looked at her frantically, panic building its way to her throat. Something was about to happen...something bad.

Before her daughter could regain her senses, Ivy gripped the hem of her shirt and hurled the child up the stairs, into the study.

She looked at her gravely from the doorway, squeezed her eyes shut as a tear escaped from the corner of her eye. The tear was shiny. It was so pretty but it lost the gleam.

Fiona stared at her with horror.

"No -...no...MOM!"

She screamed out to her, bolting from her spot but the door slammed shut and a protective sheen covered the entire wood, knocking her back. Fiona stumbled to the floor as another collision entered her ears and the house shook under the blow.

She said that they will win the war. What war? Fiona knew that her father went to a business trip, but not sure how long. Where was everybody that could help them?

Somewhere, a battle began.

Fiona backed away from the door as bullets echoed though into the room. Screams and yells sent goose bumps down her neck.

She inhaled sharply and clutched her stomach as she heard Ivy's distressed scream, followed by harsh cackling.

She clenched her teeth and balled her hands into fists against her stomach. Fiona backed further as she suddenly heard the hammering on the door. The sheen held fast.

She came into contact of the windows and felt the panes chill up her back, through her shirt.

The little girl whimpered as she felt her chest contract a bit without her intention.

_Please let Mother be alright...please...please...where is father...where is Auntie China...where is Dimmy?_

Fiona glanced behind her and looked out the window that showed the forest. It looked so dark...but so green...and so safe...

She diverted her attention back into the room. She knew what she had to do. She knew that Mother would want her to get out of here.

Glass shattered and she gave a cry of exhilaration, feeling the cold air sting her cheeks as she flew. She tried to place air beneath her like her father taught her but her arms trembled from the impact and it faulted under pressure.

She hit the flurry of white but felt no pain but unusually numb. She couldn't move. But she didn't want to. Her limbs were sprawled in odd angles and spots of red stained the untouched snow.

Fiona's eyes widened with surprise as she felt liquid copper rise up her throat and poured into her mouth. It overflowed and dripped.

"Fiona!"

Blinking her eyes to clear up the blur a bit, Fiona looked for the person who called out to her.

She saw her mother being pushed with her hands tied up behind her. A huge figure shoved her against a car and he cackled. Fiona looked closely at her mother, despite her dizziness. Ivy's face was covered with blood and she was crying.

"Mother..." Fiona whispered.

And she was enveloped in darkness.

* * *

"_Fiona!"_

Ivy called out to her, crying with pain and horror. Her one and only daughter...in the snow...bleeding...it was more than a horror movie... Her insides twisted as she felt as if she was going to retch, but Jerome's fist cracked against her back and she flew onto the van.

_Where was Skulduggery when we need him? He thought we were going to be safe...while he went to fight...it didn't work at all...they broke through the protective spells we put around the house...I failed..._

"DON'T TOUCH MY BABY!" Ivy screamed as that Lila wrench reached for her.

She just looked at her and jeered..

"Don't touch my baby!" Lila imitated harshly. "Shut the fuck up, bitch!"

Someone slammed distressed mother's head against the van and she rebounded, falling into the snow. She moaned but her muscles were screaming at her and she couldn't get up.

_I tried to protect my child. I tried to protect my baby...and I failed...I failed my life..._

Jerome picked her up and hurled her into the van. That's when her sight disappeared and she felt something land on her.

"Fiona..." Ivy wept, knowing it was her. "My baby...what did they do to you...why...?"

"SHUT UP!" she heard Lila cry from somewhere in front.

_Everything was so confusing...how could this happen?_

_

* * *

_

Laughing...so much laughing...roaring...everywhere...was it my blood in my head? Where am I?

I tried to move my arms but I figured that they were tied up behind me against a pole. My bear feet were crunching against gravel. It hurt. God...this roaring is killing me!

Suddenly, I heard my child beside me, crying softly.

"Fiona!" I cried out.

"Mom, please, I'm scared!"

Someone removed a sack that covered my head and I regained my senses.

To my horror, I realized that I was in the enemy's territory of the battlefield. My husband was on that battlefield. Fighting for world peace in this world.

Glancing to my left, I studied my daughter, tears flowing down non-stop. She was covered with blood and dirt, her dress that I made for her in tatters. Her brown hair was all messed up and I guessed that I must be the same.

"Mommy!"

"Everything is going to be alright, Fiona, just look at me..." I tried as calmly as I could.

"Oh is it?"

I whipped my head towards the speaker. "Serpine..." I spat.

Neferain Serpine bellowed out a laugh. "Trying to be like your husband now, is it?"

"He will find you, he will kill you..."

He laughed again, not wavering any bit. Suddenly, at a signal he gave, a figure all beaten up appeared at his feet.

"Skulduggery!" I screamed. My daughter sobbed harder, spitting out blood.

Skulduggery looked up at us with horror. I could see tears starting to spill at the sight of us. How I wish I could tell him the same thing I told Fiona. Everything had gone wrong.

Everything went quiet. Even the roaring. Even Serpine's torments as he circled around him.

My eyes were locked with his as he darted his eyes towards Fiona and me, trying to ignore everything that's happening. His rage was filling up, I could feel him.

"Don't do anything rash, Skulduggery!" I pleaded.

Serpine grinned as he dropped a knife by him. "Kill me, Skulduggery, kill me..."

This was all wrong.

Skulduggery's green eyes weren't green anymore. They've gone wild. "Shut up, Neferain..."

"Skulduggery, please! Don't listen to him, it's a trap!"

All too late.

He had reached for the knife and was paralysed. All that rage turned into shock.

Serpine laughed as if this was the funniest thing he'd seen. He tormented him more. Tormenting everyone. Ivy wept and wept, begging Skulduggery to move. Fiona, however, turned silent.

But the worst was not over.

Serpine made them all watch as he killed their daughter, raping her corpse. He turned the screaming woman and he razed her mouth off, exposing her teeth and muscle. She screamed with pain and her screams turned into cries and her cries turned into silence.

Skulduggery, paralysed in a spot, had no choice but to watch his family get tortured. The rage. The fury. It ain't going to get away fast. Ever since that day, he was corrupted. Even after his death. Even after his resurrection. Even after his revenge.

It always stayed.

* * *

...I did not think of that torture...my friend did...she's emo yes...I am not...I do not think sickly...luckily, I did not type details..that'll make even more sick...she says she doesn't care if everyone think she is...damn you, Rachael...why?


	23. KOed

Uhm...uh...heheh! I'm back, FanFiction! I've decided to give my drawing mind a rest because as you see...I cannot multi-task for crap. XD I hope this makes up for my delay!

Happy Reading!  
TheBlueBottle

* * *

Valkyrie stumbled backwards, hitting into a tree. She grunted on dropped on one knee. Tired and all worn out, she panted. _Damn it..._

Her opponent chuckled and smirked. "You can do better than this."

Clenching her fists, Valkyrie tried one more attack, summoning an electric ball. Her opponent barked out a laugh and shot sideways, as the ball came speeding her.

"Doing it twice won't help you, Cain!"

Valkyrie charged at this moment and grinned. "I'm not done yet!"

About a meter away, she pushed hard on the floor and booted the stomach, following up with a punch in the face.

"Wha-?" Her opponent stammered with surprise and yelled, shooting off the ground. She hit the wall beyond and collapsed.

Valkyrie straightened from her stance and smirked. "Keeping your guard down won't help...Low."

Tanith groaned and tried to push herself up. "Cain," she snarled. "You'll pay for that."

She grunted from the strain and fell back down. She wasn't moving anymore.

"Yeah-hoo!" Valkyrie flung her hands in the air. "You just got pwned!"

Tanith yelled out a frustrated wince. "Not again! Come on, why do you have to choose that freak, Jin?"

Valkyrie set down her PS3 controller and folded her arms smugly. "He is freaking awesome."

"Not! Hwoarang is!"

"All he can do is kick combos..."

"That could beat your ass."

"Then why did you lose?" Valkyrie finished off, gloatingly.

Tanith growled and flung the controller over her shoulder. Without seeing where it landed, she pounced. Now, they were wrestling each other.

"Get off!"

"No! Stop squirming!"

"Nyah!"

"Argh!"

Skulduggery walked in through the front door, taking off his usual disguise. He cocked his head to the tumbling pair and sighed. "Not again. Tanith, you just have to accept that Valkyrie can beat you in a video game. And Valkyrie, stop bragging, she always beats your sorry ass in training."

Halt.

"Oh shit..."

Valkyrie and Tanith were stuck in awkward places like they've been playing twisters and they were. Glaring. That. Scary. Glare.

The now terrified skeleton gave a skeletal gulp and laughed nervously. "Uh...hi?"

"AAAARRRGGGHHHH!"

"MOMMY!"

"GOOD LORD!"

"GOOD LANDY!"

"SOMEBODY FRIGGEN HELP!"

Fletcher from the bathroom turned his head slightly to the noise. He grinned and continued to spike his hair.

Ghastly from the nearby town's grocery shop chuckled as he paid.

They were both thinking the same thing.

_There we go again._

_

* * *

_

Uuh...yeah...lame...I've just dusted off my writing mind, so give it time to recover. XD BTW, NO MORTAL COIL SPOILERS PLEASE! I DON'T HAVE THE BOOK YET AND DO NOT SAY THAT IS SAD! ."

Arigato. Tootles!


	24. The World Is In Peril!

THAT'S IT! I'm sticking to Fanfiction! I owe you guys that much! What? Oh right, you guys probably have forgotten me…Eh! Well, I'M BACK FOR BLIMMIN' GOOD! Oh I see some newbies! ^^ Wotcha! I'll check you peeps story later. ;)

Enjoy Reading!  
TheBlueBottle

* * *

"Skulduggery! Watch out!"

The skeleton detective whirled around just in time to see the chandelier chain snap. He swiftly dived aside, missing the wreckage that fell by an inch.

The boy giggled. "Oi, bones," he jeered in a bizarrely high voice, sending flecks of spit from the top floor. "Get out of my house!"

Valkyrie glared at the culprit with disgust. Justin Bieber. Aged 17 and on the run. It was unusual that the detective duo would do an assassination job that almost every had requested but it was also for greater good, since this person was highly dangerous. Skulduggery heaved himself up and dusted his best suit off in an agitated manner. He looked very annoyed and Valkyrie knew that Bieber was going to get it.

Fletcher was sprawled on some rubble in the corner, tongue lolling out. He looked like he was seeing many Valkyries dancing around his head, in a bikini.

Neera was crouching in a hunting-the-prey style, her blade tail slowly carving the floor with a dent. It made a horrible screeching noise as she repeatedly brought it down, furiously.

Justin cackled like a girl and pranced sideways to avoid an angry whip of a shadow that the vicious dark haired girl sent, watching it crush the rails. "Look girly, you can NEVER beat me! Now give up, and bow down to the master!"

Skulduggery snorted loudly, startling them both.

Valkyrie looked at him with bewilderment, having never to hear that noise from him before. Yep, he's going to get it.

Suddenly, Bieber opened his mouth wide. Everyone, who was conscious, looked at him in horror.

Skulduggery took a step forward. "NO-"

But he had begun. The walls were vibrating, the elegant mirrors shattered. It was as if Hell decided to visit Earth for a good tea party…

Valkyrie screamed with terror while Skulduggery yelled with pain, trying protecting his partner by wrapping her in his arms, using his body to shield her. Neera…had just passed out within a second. Fletcher was still in the corner, but now jerking slightly.

"BABY! BABY! BABY! OOOOOOH!"

* * *

Somewhere out in the neighborhood, a couple sat at their dining table. They looked out the window, alarmed by the ruckus coming from the mansion that stood at the end of the town.

The wife sighed. "I wish he'd stop…he does it every day!"

The husband grunted. "Teenagers these days…think they can outwit us by increasing the volume…"

"You think we ought to show them tonight?"

"Yeah, I rate."

* * *

Valkyrie moaned pitifully, Skulduggery sobbed dryly, Fletcher puked and Neera swore. Professor Kenspeckle shook his head sorrowfully, while Tanith and Ghastly embraced each other, tears falling out of their eyes. Clarebelle hummed, cleaning some jars. China sighed worriedly as she glanced out the window.

Justin Bieber had escaped and now still lived.

The world is in peril...

* * *

*cough* Uh...yeah...about this...XD I hold a great dislike over Bieber... Some of you may fancy him, but please even though you do, please just refrain from flaming! :3 Apologies for any SP or grammar mistakes!


	25. Play with Me?

"SKULDUGGERY!"

He ignored.

The whining continues. "SKULDUGGERY!"

The skeleton looked up from his book and muttered unintelligently before roaring back. "VALKYRIE! SHUT UUUUP!"

"WHY!"

"BECAUSE YOU ARE IN A LIBRARY!"

"HYPROCRITE!"

China winced as the two bickered from one end of the library to the other. It was a library for God's sake. Silence was its law. But no, whoever said the detective duo followed the law? In their world, breaking rules was their top priorities on their to-do list that couldn't be crossed out.

"Really now, Skulduggery?" She chided him from her front desk. "Remind me why I let you two in here…"

Skulduggery chuckled and propped his feet up onto the coffee table. "I'm just happy."

"Why?"

"Am I not allowed to be?"

"You haven't been happy for a long time."

"AND YES, I STILL HAVE THAT RED BLUE THONG OF YOURS, CHINA!"

The people of the library were appalled: some dropped their books, some gasped and giggled and some faceplanted the book cases. China sighed with frustration, placing her face in her hands. Of course, the wittiest Detective in Dublin would yell something inappropriate to deflect a sensitive conversation.

"Skulduggery…We have to talk about this."

The skeleton tilted his head and returned to his book. "There's nothing to talk about."

"There's plenty."

"And that plenty is a deceiving word for nothing."

…

"Skulduggery…"

"SORRY, CHINA MY SWEET! I CANNOT GET YOU LAID TONIGHT; I HAVE TO GET BACK TO MY WIFE!"

China glared. "You don't have a wife."

Skulduggery shrugged. "They don't know that," he said dismissively.

She rose and walked towards him, folding her arms. The skeleton appeared to be reading his book, but China knew better. She snatched it out of his hands and snapped it shut. The skeleton froze in the spot before glaring at her.

"Aaaaw, Mom! I was getting to the good part!" he whined, putting on a bad-kid accent.

China read the title. "Pleasant, this is porn…"

"Exactly…"

She chucked the book onto the coffee table and shoved his legs off. "Get out," she demanded, pointing towards the exit.

"Can I take the book?"

"OUT!"

"Yes, Mommy…" Skulduggery slinked his way out, hanging his head in mock-shame. Before exiting the door, he glanced back. "Hey China, thanks."

China gave him a skeptic smile. "For what, dear Skulduggery?"

"For having a nice ass."

He managed to duck a thrown book before he shot out of sight, grinning inwardly.

China scoffed with disbelief, trying to maintain her elegance after chucking the book at him. She considered for a moment and turned to observe her behind.

She had to admit, it _is_ pretty nice.

* * *

As much as I support Valduggery, I really love the rival-ish-mance between Skulduggery and our beloved China. :D Between their banter in the books, I say they had something going on between them and is still going on. Please review!


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